MY PHONES NAME IS "thick's iphone" and my uber driver just saw it and now we're discussing if i'm thick or not oh my god
— Tana Mongeau (@tanamongeau) September 29, 2017
give pot strains more accurate names like You’ll Do The Dishes Without Knowing It or Fun At First Then You’re Sure Everyone Is Against You
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) September 26, 2017
my aunt once drove past a broken down car with a 'no fat chicks' sticker on it and was like 'AYE LOOKS LIKE THIS FAT CHICK COULD HELP U OUT'
— gay apparel (@figgled) September 25, 2017
imagine loving someone then finding out they think candy corn is good
— Alana Hope Levinson (@alanalevinson) September 29, 2017
The good thing about having bullshit health issues is when you want to get out of something you can say, "Sorry, have to go elevate my feet"
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) September 28, 2017