[sees a guy with his foot caught in a bear trap]
Me: dude that thing's for bears
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) May 17, 2017
me: what do u mean my friend cant come in
bouncer: theres no way hes 21
stuart little: dude its fine lets just go
— eric turtle (@dubstep4dads) May 11, 2017
David: *plays secret chord*
The Lord: Nice.
— Alex with an ex (@psybermonkey) August 13, 2017
Number one, why these shits so hard to open? Number two, they loud as hell. Whole fuckin country know you tryna get a piece of cake pic.twitter.com/EBRgsUMzHW
— Asia Cheyanne (@AsiaAtItAgain) December 11, 2017
Friend 1: "Where's the best place to stand during an earthquake?"
Friend 2: "A doorway, a car, under the bed?"
Me, an intellectual: pic.twitter.com/NHe3KwoXOt
— Parker (@panoparker) December 14, 2017