[slipping DJ $20] my good sir would you turn it down a skooch
— Mark Magark (@markedly) December 2, 2017
"Well-behaved women seldom make history," I whisper as I don't wait the full ten minutes for the oven to preheat.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) March 21, 2017
I don't see it as "Costco Free Samples." I see it as a free 17 course meal.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 29, 2017
I'm sorry I quoted Dr. Suess during sex. I promise it will never happen again while you are in the box of a fox.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) November 20, 2017
wife [on phone] Did you preheat the oven like I asked?
wife: What temperature?
wife: That's the clock
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) April 16, 2017