CHANGING YOUR DUVET COVER
-remember to use your energy sparingly. It's a marathon, not a sprint
-make sure you stay hydrated
— manytypesoftea (@manytypesoftea) July 15, 2017
mary: you sorted that hotel out
joseph: yes, obviously, of course, stop going on about it, god
— joe-gle bells (@mutablejoe) December 20, 2017
me: [pointing gun in air] "EVERYBODY LISTEN UP THIS IS A ROBBERY"
girl: "dude, this is a library"
me: "oh" [screwing on a silencer] "ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵇᵒᵈʸ ᶫᶦˢᵗᵉᶰ ᵘᵖ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᶦˢ ᵃ ʳᵒᵇᵇᵉʳʸ"
— k e i t h ?? (@KeetPotato) November 28, 2017
SINGER: hows everyone doin tonight
ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): it's actually been a tough few months
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) May 9, 2017
Me: *slapping my older brother in the face with his own hand* haha stop hitting yourself, why are you hitting yourself
Sister-in-law: *crying* is this why you wanted an open casket
— Not Sara (@smithsara79) December 11, 2017