For the first three and a half years of college, I was a virgin. I was one of the only virgins in my group of friends and I always felt like it was written on my forehead. I wasn’t the type of girl to hook up with random guys at frat parties and was very self-conscious about that. It wasn’t that I was a virgin because of religious beliefs or because I was a prude, I just was.
A lot of girls go through this and it’s nothing to feel ashamed of. If you’re a virgin because you want to be, more power to you. However, if you’re on the opposite end of that it can cause a lot of self-consciousness. You may be the butt of a joke or be the person that people constantly ask ‘why haven’t you lost your V-Card yet?’ to. It can also cause a lot of unwanted attention from guys because they’re fascinated by the fact that you’re so “pure.” The best piece of advice I can give is that no matter the reason for your virginity, do it when it’s right for you. You will know when it’s right and you’ll be happy you waited.
Being a virgin in college is like being a needle in a haystack. It’s rare, uncommon, but there are at least a few other people on campus who are virgins.
1. Just because you’ve never, doesn’t mean you don’t want to.
Whether you’re a virgin by choice or not, you’re going to want to have sex. It can sometimes be an internal struggle, especially if you’re a virgin by choice. But, either way, the desire is going to be there. There might be a common misconception amongst your friends that you’re a virgin because you want to be but if you’re like me, I wanted to have sex but just never had the chance. It felt like I was missing out on something amazing and kind of just wanted it to happen so that I could enjoy my sexuality just like my other friends.
2. Sometimes you just want to get it over with.
I didn’t have a boyfriend or anyone that I was consistently ‘hooking up with’ so I didn’t have a way to lose my virginity in college. I also didn’t want to lose it to just anyone. It didn’t need to mean something but I also didn’t want it to be a one night stand. I felt like I had to lose it (or get it over with, as I used to say) before I left college, because who was going to talk to a 22-year-old college graduate that was also a virgin? To me, it was going to be easier to lose it in college because I was surrounded by guys all the time.
3. It makes you self-conscious.
As stated previously, I felt so uncomfortable with my virgin status. I know now that it was all in my head. Aside from me, no one cared that I wasn’t having sex. I felt very left out (which we’ll get to) and I felt like I was really falling behind. That in itself made me self-conscious because I was putting pressure on my own shoulders to do it fast. When you’re a virgin in college, it could feel like you’re a child, like you’re not as grown up as everyone else.
To me, losing my virginity meant I was an adult who was able to make her own choices and when it was taking a little longer than everyone else, I was annoyed. It’s ok though because no one really cares that you’re a virgin except you.
4. It’s a little scary.
We’ve all heard the horror stories about losing your virginity: it hurts, you’ll bleed, you’ll cry. As much as you want to lose your virginity, the thought of it actually happening is very scary. There will be a few times when you have the opportunity to finally have sex and you’ll pass on it, mostly because the idea of it finally happening is scary. It’s ok to be scared because as much as you don’t think to lose your virginity is a big deal, it is.
5. You feel ‘left out’.
Humans are sexual beings, that’s a known fact. Being a virgin in college is difficult because there’s sex everywhere. Sex is constantly being talked about and it’s always around. When you’re going out for the night, the main question is, will I get laid? Who are you going to go home with?
When you’re a virgin those questions don’t exist. As much as I wanted to have sex, I wasn’t going to do it randomly. Therefore I knew when I went out at night I wasn’t going home with anyone. It really gets in your head when everyone is talking about the guy they slept with last night and you can’t participate. The being left out part is what really got to me the most. It felt like I was at a standstill and that I wasn’t part of this club that everyone else was.