In capitalist America, you can make a store out of literally anything – like, for example, sex. Sex shops are run all over the country in a normal and professional matter, but, many people don’t realize it because they are too embarrassed to go in there themselves. Personally, I think sex shops are fun AF – they have great toys and products for bachelorette parties, couples who need to spice things up and people who want to pleasure themselves (amen). While we’re accustomed to shopping there and feeling uncomfortable, we neglect to remember people actually own and work at these stores full time. What is it like for a sex-shop worker to sell someone a 12-inch dildo? Well, I’m glad you asked – Reddit always has the answers.
I worked at small video store back in college that had a family section down stairs, and an adult section upstairs, mostly videos, but as time went on we added to the adult section with toys and other interesting things. Well this store was about 5 miles down the road from a military base, so more often then not we had a lot of guys from the base who would frequent the store picking up a few videos and things usually a few one off guys by themselves then every once in a while a group of them would come in with a regular usually looked like new guys that had just gotten stationed there.
Well one night we had a few of these guys come in for a few movies nothing out of the ordinary, but more so just horsing around looking for some time to kill and things. They settle up with me at the register with a handful of movies and stuff and start up some general chit chat with me about how busy we usually were, was there a lot of folks that came in for that kind of stuff. My typical answer usually at the time oh yeah man all the time. One of them starts mouthing off about one of their superiors who they believe is probably a closet homosexual, just in his mannerisms, and other things they have noticed about the guy. Well as they were about to turn and leave. Guess who walked through the door. Yup you guessed it. They all just kind of stand still in shock, politely move out of the gentleman’s way and then hustle out of the store as quickly as possible.
Guy goes upstairs for a few minutes comes back down, with a few videos, 2 normal run of your mill pornos and then one labeled “Big Black cocks vs small white guy holes”. I for the most part unphased at the time cause i had seen it all, but more so cause i had seen this guy come in as a regular and typically knew that he mostly stuck to traditional heterosexual porn, but was kind of curious about the other video. Needless to say I look up and get ready to ask this guy (really big black guy huge ripped upper body, reminds me of if Terry Crews and Ving Rhames had a love child, but guy is a super cool nice guys), and he has the biggest shit eating grin on his face and said to me…”Let’s see if I can have a little bit of fun screwing with those guys tonight”
I lost it! A few days later he comes back and tells me left the video sitting out in plain site for anyone to see later that night, and has now had the time of his life intimidating his new guys. Tells me they all got super jumpy anytime they would be at attention and he would walk up behind them and talked to them in their ears.
Apparently he told some of his officers about what he did, and now they are all in on the joke, and running with it. Made my week.
I had a customer passed out from some drugs on the shift before mine and my coworkers forgot he was in the arcade. Later that night while I was working and watching slasher movies to pass the time I heard a noise in the arcade. No one has come in for three hours at this point. I’m freaked but I have to go check it out. I go into the arcade with my flashlight, and yell “anybody back here”. Out jumps this crackhead butt naked and screaming. He runs past me through the fire exit and into the night. I later found a crack pipe a wallet with some cash and his clothes. Scared me like no other time in my life.
A friend of mine used to work in one. One of his co-workers used to ride their bike to work and would often store it in one of the booths. They would clean these booths multiple times a day with gloves and bleach for obvious reasons. Well my friend went to clean the booth where the bike was stored and proceeded to grab the bike handle while kneeling down to clean the floor and his hand slipped off the handle. Some dude, who had just been there, lubed up the bike handle and was using it for some butt pleasure.
People jerking off in the rentals room, people returning tapes smeared with lube and God knows what else, but my all time favorite was when I ordered Chinese food delivered there, and this sweet little old Asian man delivered it. He had never been in a porn shop before, and was like a kid in a candy store. He was asking what everything was and how it worked, and there was lots of laughter till we got to the dildo wall and he suddenly got furious. He pointed at this super small realistic dildo, think size of a finger, and he starts yelling angrily, “WHAT IS THIS?!?” I immediately took it to a racial place in my mind, thinking he thought it was an Asian dildo, but then he yells, “You sell dildos for children?!?” I laughed and explained that men and women just have many strange tastes for dildos, but that we only sell to adults. Awkward.
I remember a buddy of mine who went in to a sex shop with a pair of calipers on hand to measure out the diameter of dildos. Mainly because he planned on using them as projectiles for his grenade launcher during airsoft games. Best part is he told the lady at the counter his intentions for the dildo. She said that launching them will hurt like hell, he didn’t believe it because he thought that can be changed by adjusting the co2 pressure of the grenade shell.
Let’s just say after some extensive testing (ie. shooting each other with it at different psi), we found out that getting hit by a dildo will knock you off your feet and break a windshield of a car.