I’m a parent now, and I’ve seen my kids do hilarious things. I can only imagine the things my parents watched me do that I had no idea they were seeing…
But then there are the things I know for a fact they saw. Take a look at these 18 people who shared their stories of parents walking in – and a heads up, some are definitely NSFW.
1. Play ball
Like many sports fans, I’d play imaginary baseball in my yard. I was about 7 or 8 when my parents witnessed this. I’m coming around to score and get called out, but I clearly beat the tag, so I argued with the umpire (argument lasted about 5 minutes) and was ejected, which made me more angry. My mom watched the entire debacle from her window, presumably laughing hysterically.
[My son was] Gnawing on his aunts vibrator. We were visiting from out of town and he was exploring the house, found it on her bedside table and walked out chewing on it. I’ll never tell him because it would embarrass his dad more than I care about it embarassing him.
3. Mums the word
When I was six years old, I had a playmate who was two years older than me. And we used to play, “the rape game” in which one of us would pin down the other one and scissor her… Umm… Once my mom came home and found us two girls scissoring in the middle of the living room. Of course, in shock, she said “What are you doing?”. And although my friend tried to shut me up, I replied “The rape game”… And she never mentioned this again… In my life, after kind of being… I mean she did tell me not to do it. But afterwards, she never talked about it again.
When my daughter was 4 years old, she got into our DVD collection and snuck out the movie Jaws to watch in her pink Barbie TV and DVD player.
At first I thought she must have thought it was just a fish movie and it probably scared her….nope, she loved it. I asked her if it was scary watching those people getting eaten and she said it wasn’t because sharks need to eat too.
Later I got her a large, pillowy, stuffed shark and she would sleep with that instead of the normal teddy bear like most kids. Her favorite toy to take on trips in the car was a plastic shark she got at Sea World.
She is 15 now and wants to be an ocean biologist and study sharks. She still has the stuffed shark on her bed every night.
5. On. Command.
My daughter just turned two. A few weeks ago I went to check on her after I had laid her down for bedtime. I stood outside the door listening and kept hearing a weird noise and then hearing some giggling. So I opened the door and started watching and she was making herself fart and then laughing hysterically at herself. Apparently she can fart on command.
I had this little pink vibrator, my dog grabbed it out of my room and started chewing in it in the living room. Then it started to vibrate and she got so scared she peed. Then i came home and my mom looked terrorized, said, “Luna was chewing on that pink… THING in your room.” And I just started laughing. Awk.
7. Who didn’t do this?
I don’t remember myself, but my parents loooove to tell me about the time they found me dancing naked on the kitchen table to the final jeopardy music at age 2 or 3.
8. Trick or treat
One fine spring afternoon when they were supposed to be down for their naps my two youngest who were 4 and 5 and a half, put on their ‘old lady’ dress up clothes, sneaked past the babysitter who thought they were asleep, and trick or treated the apartment building next door to our house.
My daughters reported that several people thought they were cute and gave them candy or small change. There were also a few unhappy people who scolded them for ‘begging’ and sent them on their way. When I inquired if anyone asked where their babysitter was, they both rolled their eyes at the kitchen ceiling and shook their heads.
“We were dressed up,” my youngest insisted.
When I arrived home a couple evenings later they asked if I would take them next door again after dinner: they had drawn thank-you notes for the neighbors who had given them treats.
They also had made a few drawings that were clearly not thank you notes: a picture of the building on fire, a person running away from a large animal, another getting struck by lighting…
Those, I was informed, were ‘hex notes’ they’d made “for the people who were mean to us.”
9. Shower of shame
Thought my dad left for work in the morning so I had the house to myself. I got out of the shower and turned the CD speakers on as high as they could go to the amazing tune of Cheeseburger in Paradise. I proceeded to sing and dance around the living room in my birthday suit pulling off a performance that would have even have wowed Simon Cowell. As I got to the chorus one last time, I twisted my elegant body to see my dad witnessing me in mid-performance. He just shook his head and left. I decided to cut the music and take another shower in shame. My singing and dancing career also ended that day.