74-Year-Old Man Apparently Got His Entire Church Congregation High On Weed Cookies

Where does this man practice his faith because it looks like I’ll be transferring from my current place of worship? This guy made weed cookies for the whole church? What a guy? He’s out here just trying to spread the love of our homeboy Jesus. What one of Jesus’ go to party tricks was when he’d wave his hands (or whatever) and BOOM! Water into wine. Are you going to tell me Jesus wasn’t down with a little bit of herb? I’m finding this one hard to believe.

I can’t blame this man one bit, have you guys been to mass recently? It’s so unbelievably dull and monotonous, and on top of that, they haven’t changed the songs or stories in like 2000 years. This guy saw that the congregation was lacking some youthful faces, so he put asses in the seats. He did it the only way he knew how he gave the people what they wanted. He saw the Millenials straying from God, so he roped us back in with free weed cookies. Two of millennials favorite things, free and weed. This man’s a genius.

Down in Bloomington, Indiana at the Saint Johns Apostle Catholic Church, the churchgoers were in for quite the surprise last year. One of the members of the church who is being referred to as Mr. Jones decided to spice things up. Mr. Jones is accused of lacing the cookies with THC. For those of y’all who don’t know THC or tetrahydrocannabinol is the main psychoactive ingredient of cannabis. Basically, it’s the stuff that gets you high. Apparently, the cookies were ingested by a number of the churches members ranging from ages 12-70. Several of these people ended up in the emergency room after complaining about the “adverse effects” and the salty taste. Yeah, you read that correctly, they went to the emergency room for a weed cookie.

Now, Mr. Jones doesn’t deny making the cookies for his church members although he denied adding any illegal extra ingredients. The police obtained a warrant and searched his home where they came across an “orange pill bottle containing capsules of a brown, oily substance, which later tested positive for marijuana.” After a warrant for the man’s arrest was issued he promptly turned himself into the police. He has since been charged with criminal recklessness and possession of hash oil. Father Daniel Mahan from the church had a few words to say about the incident.

“We are praying for everyone involved. We are praying for Mr. Jones. We are keeping in prayer those who took ill that Sunday and we are praying for justice with mercy.”

Justice!

This is why we can’t do thoughtful things for our friends. Good ole Mr. Jones was probably up late the night before super excited to share these new “special” cookies he saw on the internet. They’re supposed to make you feel great, or so he thought. Church and these magic cookies go hand to hand in his mind. Now this poor old man looking to spice things up at church a bit is considered a criminal. Poor Mr. Jones. Now, I’m not condoning spiking anybody’s cookies with any drugs especially 12-70-year-olds, but I’m sure everyone made it out of there alive. If you’re ever in NY Mr. Jones and want to get your worship on, we’ll welcome you with open arms to my church that’s for sure!

 

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Written by Baillie Parry

Just your average girl from New York who loves her some Knicks basketball and city lights. Catch her laughing at memes endlessly and trying to find Mr. Right while on a date with Mr. Right Now.