haircutter: wat grade r u in
bodega guy: u r 16? u have babyface
agent: will u go on tape as seth rogen’s grandma
— mary houlihan (@maryhoulie) January 24, 2018
There are three certainties in life: death, taxes, and no matter what you cook in there your microwave smells like hotdogs.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) January 22, 2018
I've never read the ingredients on any food item for my kids, but I'll spend an hour in PetSmart making sure there's no beef, dairy, wheat, soy, or chicken in dental dog treats.
— Olive Gravy (@offbeatoliv) January 27, 2018