9 Signs You’re The Reason Your Relationships Are Continuously Failing

If you’re reading this, you’ve probably had quite a few relationships in your life. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with dating multiple people throughout your lifetime – in fact, I think it’s healthy. It’s important to explore the world of people you can be with and see what works for you and what, just, well doesn’t. While you’ve had your fair share of lust, love and even heartbreak, you’re probably wondering why none of your relationships ever truly work out. Why is it that all of your friends are getting engaged, married and having babies when you can’t even find “the one.” A lot of it, sadly, has to do with you and not the dozens of men you’ve tried to date.

The hardest thing people have to do in their lives is look in the mirror and realize sometimes, they themselves are their biggest enemy when it comes to relationships and dating. No one likes to self-criticize, no one likes to take the blame for a relationships‘ ending. But, sometimes, it’s not them, and it really is us that needs the help.

1. You’re going after a person based solely on “type.”

Whenever you date, you may have a “type.” You look for someone who is blonde or brunette, has a certain physical feature you admire like a solid jawline, good muscles, blue eyes. In reality, when you look for a person based on physical features alone, you neglect to see what else they have to offer. Maybe your dream person is blonde, blue-eyed with an incredible body, but they’re unemployed and has cheated on their ex’s in the past. Physical features alone cannot be the reason you enter a relationship with someone, no matter how turned on you get by seeing them. If you’re looking for a long-term love, it’ll never happen based off looks alone.

2. You don’t give people enough of a chance.

When you date, you may have “relationship rules,” in which you want someone to fit into criteria in order to be your “person.” But in life, nothing ever happens as we plan it – I mean, nothing. You may have always dreamed you would date a doctor or a lawyer, and fall for someone who works construction or an accountant – and, you may walk away because, well, he isn’t the “person” you dreamed of. When we’re too picky about how we date and cut people off when they do one little thing that is “off,” we lose the chance of maybe falling in love with someone who can really be good for us, but we didn’t give it enough time to find out.

3. You listen to other people too much.

It’s nice to rely on your friends for advice and guidance, especially if they are already married or engaged – but they’re not going to be living our lives or be in our relationships. Sometimes, you really need to just make choices by yourself, for yourself. You can’t rely on everyone else to tell you who is “right for you,” and, if you listen to them, you’ll end up with someone who is great on paper, but the spark is duller than a blown out candle. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t make you feel alive.

4. You are too guarded.

You’ve probably been burned by love in the past and for this reason, you have a hard time opening up to new people who enter your life. I’m sure you have an imaginary line drawn into your mind where on one side, you have the things it’s “okay” to speak about and on the other side, everything you keep locked up. Sometimes, you need to be vulnerable in order to grow both individually and in a relationship with someone. If you’re constantly hiding pieces of yourself because you’re scared to be judged or get hurt again, the person you are with will only get the surface value of you, and never truly understand who you are.

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Written by Lex Gabrielle

A writer and teacher from New York City who fully supports messy buns and 3+ cups of coffee a day.