When you’re in a long-term relationship with someone, you get comfortable with the idea that you and your partner are a solid foundation. The longer you are together, the more you grow as individuals and as a couple. Although being together for a long period of time is important, not all relationships that withstand the test of time are exactly what relationship experts would call “healthy.” In fact, there are many people who are together for years on end that are living in toxic environments with their partner. The true issues lie within the comfort they have created in their life with that special someone. Because they have been together for so long, they either forget what it’s like to be with someone else or fear the thought of having to start over with someone else. But, if these occurrences are happening in your relationship, you’re not as well-off as you think you are.
1. Hiding aspects of yourself.
If you’re with someone for a long period of time and you still feel uncomfortable telling them certain things about you or your life (or vice versa) this is a giant red flag. If you aren’t comfortable telling them about yourself and begin to hide aspects to appease them, you’re selling yourself short and you’re living in a bubble of “fake happiness.” This isn’t real, it’s forced. If they knew everything you were hiding, would they still love you? Would you still love them? These are the important questions to ask yourself, rather than continuously hiding things or sneaking around to make sure you don’t burst that bubble.
2. Lying in any form.
If you can’t be upfront with them and you lie about who you’re with, who you’re texting, where you’re doing – this is a problem. You should always feel that you can trust the person you are dating and you shouldn’t have to lie to them. If they lie to you, it’s the same principle. You shouldn’t have to question the person you are dating and look for clues to see if they’re lying, you should always trust in the fact they will be honest with you no matter what. If you feel the need to go through their phone or check up on them to see if they’re really where they say they are – no. Just no.
3. Holding grudges.
It’s inevitable that you and your partner will fight in your relationship – no one is perfect, no relationship is perfect. There will be disagreements and arguments because that’s what keeps couples growing together, working through issues and problems. But, if you’re with someone who says they accept your apology or forgives you – yet holds arguments and disagreements over your head long-term, that’s unhealthy. You should never have to walk on eggshells with someone. If you forgive someone or if they forgive you, it should be genuine – not with strings attached. And, they shouldn’t constantly throw it in your face, either.