If These 11 Things Happen In Your Long-Term Relationship, It’s Never Going To Work

4. Only spending time with each other.

Some couples are incapable of doing things without each other – it’s unhealthy. Just because you’re living together, dating for a very long time or even if you’re engaged/married, you should have your own independence in a relationship. If you don’t go out without your partner and they don’t go out without you, you’re basically holding yourself back from growing as an individual. Relationships aren’t only about growing together, but growing as a person, too. You need to experience life for yourself, not just for the person you are with. Never neglect your friendships for a person you are dating, never abandon your family. You need to make time to do things by yourself and for yourself.

5. Controlling each other’s lives.

If you’re dating someone who constantly tells you what you can/can’t do, it’s an issue. There are ways to express yourself and how you feel without saying “you cannot do this, or we’re done.” You should never be with someone who threatens your relationship because you do something they dislike. You may have friends they don’t like or want to wear something they’re not fond of, but they are not your parents and they cannot tell you what you can and can’t do. The same goes in the opposite direction. They may want to go on a vacation you disapprove of, but at the end of the day – you are your own person, your partner is their own person. You can’t just throw things away because you don’t like it. Open communication is important in relationships, simply saying “This makes me uneasy, can we talk about it,” rather than saying harsh “no’s” all of the time.

6. Not having your own interests and hobbies.

If you don’t have things you like to do for yourself, you’ll feel unsatisfied and unfulfilled in your life and feel as though you’re settling for something that you don’t really want. In the long run, eventually, you’ll feel resentful of your partner. While people date those they have things in common with, they often have different interests and hobbies too. Never give up what you love for someone else. Just because they’re not interested in it, doesn’t mean you should throw it away forever. They may like sports and you’re not into it, so what? Don’t force yourself to give up watching your favorite TV shows just so you can watch games you don’t understand them. Don’t force your partner to listen to music they don’t like or go to shows they won’t enjoy to appease you, either. Not everything needs to be done together “as a couple.” Keep your sense of individuality.

7. Talking badly about each other to other people.

There will be times when you want to vent about your relationship to your friends or family and that’s completely normal and healthy. While you may be angry with your partner during a fight or about something that’s happened – remember, you will most likely work things out and get over whatever happened. But, when you do speak to your “outlets,” you’re going to say things you don’t necessarily mean at the time, you’ve only said them because you were worked up and stressed out. In time, the bad things you’ve said will add up in these people’s minds and eventually, they will begin to tell you that this person is no good for you, is toxic for you and they think you “deserve better.” There’s nothing worse than loving someone that everyone else around you dislikes. Save yourself the trouble and headache.

8. Flirting with people outside of your relationship.

If you’re with someone long-term, short-term – it doesn’t matter – there should be no reason to look for validation from the opposite (or same) sex outside of your relationship. If you’re with someone who doesn’t make you feel like “enough,” then you need to face those facts. Going outside of your relationship for love, attention or validation is unfair to the person you are dating and also, unfair to yourself. You’re clearly not being satisfied in the relationship you are currently in if you feel the need to talk to other people about these things you should be getting at home.

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Written by Lex Gabrielle

A writer and teacher from New York City who fully supports messy buns and 3+ cups of coffee a day.