30+ People Reveal The One Thing They Wish They Knew Before Their First Relationship

When you get into a relationship, there’s a lot of things you wish you prepared yourself for. We go into love pretty blindly sometimes–not knowing how to handle the tough situations when it comes to communicating with our partners. Through it all–the ups and the downs–we learn what we want out of relationships and what we don’t want. There are a lot of things people wish they knew before getting into serious relationships. Thanks to BuzzFeed users, we compiled a list of some pretty important lessons in love–you’ll want to take notes.

33.

There’s no rush. Even if you’re a late bloomer and everyone else around you has coupled up, don’t rush it. Let it come naturally and allow yourself to enjoy the build up. You’ll thank yourself later, even if it doesn’t work out in the end, because you’ll be dating someone because it makes you happy and not because you feel you have to.

julim4d635ba19

32.

Don’t let anyone invalidate your feelings. Don’t let anyone tell you how you feel. You are allowed to have feelings and communicate those and expect your partner to respect that. If your partner doesn’t resoect your feelings they don’t respect you.

Adree

31.

I wish I’d known that you don’t owe them anything do everything in your own time especially anything intimate, and don’t force feelings when they aren’t there it’s okay to have feelings suddenly go. They’re just not right for you.

whyisperryblue

30.

That no matter how much you love someone, nobody is actually ‘yours’. I hate the way my younger self treated my first girlfriend

jakel42775d99e

29.

Never be afraid of the relationship ending. It doesn’t diminish who you are as a person. Don’t put everything on something that could end in a heartbeat. You’re worth more than the relationship alone.

dougj4acf143c7

28.

I wish i knew what to look out for in an abusive person. My first ever bf sexually assaulted me multiple times and i thought that that was normal. I thought the reason i didnt like it, was because i was an awkward person. I wish i knew better, what was right and wrong in a relationship and when to walk away, who to talk to, have someone to talk to and how to end it safely.

jacyc

27.

If you’re not dating for marriage, you’re dating to break up.

kohnegirl

26.

If they are wanting to cheat on their girlfriend with you, odds are they’ll never be the relationship type.

kohnegirl

25.

Never EVER start a relationship with someone if you think you can change them. You can’t and if you can, you shouldn’t.

Cazboline

24.

Don’t judge where you should be based off of where your friends are. Social media for me was a really destructive thing when I was in my early twenties. I was coming off of a very abusive relationship and saw all the girls that graduated with all with engagement photos and wedding plans. It was extremely difficult because I felt like I was such a failure. Eventually I realized that social media was causing more harm than good so I started limiting myself. I focused on who I was and what I wanted in life. Now about 10 years later I’ve been steadily seeing the same guy for the last two-and-a-half years and we’ve known each other almost 5. Most of the girls I so enviously watched get married early have divorced. I realize that even though it’s challenging never use somebody somebody else’s life is your yard stick. Especially if you’re viewing it through social media lens. Focus on who you are and what you want to become. I found the man that I love with and want to marry without meaning to.

happyhat

23.

That sometimes you just need to trust your gut, never let anyone make you do something you’re not ready for.

makah2

22.

You don’t have to date someone just because they like you

-zachm4c35f5e2f

21.

when a guy says that you’re too young for him and that you can only be friends (even if it’s a two years difference) believe it. If he then initiates sex with you, don’t think that this is him changing his mind, the age will always be an issue and you’re only going to get hurt and feel used.

rubyg48ddab3b1

20.

Just because he’s the first man to tell you he likes you doesn’t mean he’s the only one who ever will.

Lauren 

19.

Your S.O. doesn’t have to be there for you to have fun. Be independent. Don’t rely on someone else for your own happiness. Find yourself before you lose yourself. Know what makes you (& only you) happy before you try making someone else happy.

kimdear

18.

Not every relationship is meant to last forever, not every person you date is the one and most of all a relationship that didn’t last isn’t Necessarily a failed one.

tehyaw

17.

Control isn’t love. You can leave if you aren’t happy any more. Don’t stay with him because he threatens to hurt himself if you don’t. That isn’t love.

gretcheno3

16.

I wish someone had told me that he was just a part of my life, and not my whole life altogether. I centered everything around him, since it was first love and all, and that was my mistake. Mind you I was 26 and not a kid. Still, I got swept away with emotions so hard, that logic and reasoning took a back seat!

marinapaulose2

15.

There’s a fine line between helping your partner when they’re down, and being taken advantage of.

xyz443

14.

Stop making excuses for your SO. If they’re flaky and are constantly late, don’t justify it. If they don’t accept responsibility when they do something wrong, don’t give in because you “love” them. You deserve better than a mountain of excuses. Be with someone who communicates with you when something is going on, or sincerely apologizes when they hurt you (and doesn’t do it again). I promise you, you are worth more than that.

BJ

13.

Never put your significant other on a pedestal. No one is perfect, and doing this will make everything feel worse when it ends.

j40fb40367

12.

If you don’t like something you’re doing in the sex department, IT’S OKAY TO SAY “Stop, I don’t like that.” Just because they’re the first person you love does not give them the right to do what they like with your body.

libertyc45a5036d5

11.

Don’t gage their comfort level based off their past experiences. So much of that first relationship was screwed because I didn’t take the time to listen to who was at the time versus the version he and our mutual friends relayed in their stories of him. That was a domino effect of our failed communication and respect.

cocopa

10.

I remember thinking that I had to be perfect to have a bf. I was stunned when my first love chose someone for her personality over me with my perfect hair and makeup. And I was floored when my roomie’s friend confessed that he’d fallen in love with me. This guy had seen me at my worst and he loved me as I was. I realized that people don’t fall in love with mannequins

suzannel46f36ed04

9.

Honesty is key. If you aren’t happy, tell them. It’s better to have a day of sadness from breaking up than live months feeling constantly miserable. They are likely to feel better if they know the truth too. And, if you aren’t comfortable with telling it, then it’s likely the relationship isn’t a good one anyways.

chloesiemens13

8.

Don’t get fixated about when someone is going to tell you they love you. Words are just that words and they are easy to say. Focus more on what a person actually does which is an indication of how they really feel about you. It’s way better to have someone who knows you have had a terrible day run you a bath and bring you a glass of wine while they cook dinner than to have someone say they love you every 5 minutes.

nicolab4013c17a0

7.

Intimacy isn’t just making out every other night in your boy friend’s backseat. Its important to know you can have conversations with this person and be completely comfortable with them before you add physicality.

janeissnapple

6.

I wish I had known how important it was to grow into your own person than with another. I married my high school sweetheart and it ended horribly after ten years together and four years of marriage. I wanted travel, experiences and I hated comfort and routine. He hated change and hated me for aspiring to be my best self. If o could go back I would allow myself to be alone and learn about myself.

pamelajoand

5.

Never base your relationship on what you see from other people/online/ etc. Every relationship is different and unique and if you expect things to be how they are from other people’s relationships you’re bound to be disappointed.

mcmenimen54

4.

That ignoring red flags won’t make things better, only harder later on. My first relationship was an emotionally abusive one, but we were “in love”, so I figured if I just ignored all of the fairly obvious signs, that eventually things would get better.
Spiralling into depression and having to do months of therapy after the breakup proved that ignoring the problem did not, in fact, make it go away.

cailinj14

3.

To not start panicking if you’re not as “lovey dovey” as you were originally. That doesn’t always mean the end of a relationship, just that things are transforming into a different type of relationship past the initial infatuation. Take a breath first and assess your feelings and don’t be afraid to talk about it.

melissadcyoung

2.

Don’t do anything because other people are doing it. Don’t give into pressure. If you know its wrong and it feels wrong don’t do it. Get to know them and become friends first. When you get to know them you’ll see the things you like/don’t like before things get serious and you’ll know what to do.

egegamboa064

1.

Dont take it too seriously. Its all for fun. Once its not fun anymore, end it. Just because youre (probably) young, doesnt mean that manipulation and gaslighting are okay. Hormones can make things confusing, so just have fun!

originalbentley666

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Written by Lex Gabrielle

A writer and teacher from New York City who fully supports messy buns and 3+ cups of coffee a day.