We all have unfortunate ex-roommate stories. If we didn’t, those same people would probably still be our roommates. We’ve heard them stumbling in drunk at 3 AM, we’ve passive aggressively reminded them that it’s their turn to do the dishes, and we’ve held our tongue when they cook ridiculously stinky food in the kitchen. However, all of those grievances pale in comparison to truly horrible roommate stories — like the ones shared in a recent Twitter thread.
The roommate horror stories started when journalist Gene Demby shared a link to an article about Jamison Bachman, a man with a law degree who would move in with Craigslist roommates, become a squatter, and then force them out through his painstaking knowledge of tenancy laws.
https://twitter.com/GeeDee215/status/966395604862754818
This particular roommate-from-hell story prompted Demby to ask his followers about their own terrible roommate stories (Demby even included an anecdote about one of his own roommates, who had been collecting the rent money and using it to pay his cult dues).
https://twitter.com/GeeDee215/status/966410242203570179
Needless to say, the responses were so preposterously bad that they made the typical complaints (i.e., dirty dishes left in the sink, loud music, noisy sex) look peachy keen.
One guy’s roommate apparently had the world’s weirdest Nutella fixation.
i had this roommate who would binge eat all my nutella and bread. and then get really apologetic and buy me another nutella and loaf of bread. and then binge that again. and then apologize. i would hide it in my room but he'd sneak in and ate it again. and then apologize, again.
— ahmed ali akbar (@radbrowndads) February 21, 2018
One roommate/landlady stole her tenant’s passport (and took away her access to clean clothes).
https://twitter.com/mallory_yu/status/966439331316543491
There was a roommate who thought they could get away with having a monster under their bed.
This was in college, but my roommate hid a 4ft bald python under our bunk bed for 4 days before I found it.
Our very first conversation involved my snake phobia so needless to say we were not off to a great start.
— not quite leading gay material (@somuchbetter88) February 22, 2018
A girl was once held as a party hostage by her roommate.
https://twitter.com/realdawnsummers/status/966425921069731841
There was the roommate who thought having weird pets would be “fun.”
When I lived in LA, my roommate bought two 'miniature' rabbits off a guy on the Venice Boardwalk. Needless to say, they soon became enormous, peed on everything, and because they were both male, had constant, terrifying, Watership-Down style fights to the near-death
— madwoman in the gattic (@emilygadabout) February 21, 2018
One woman’s roommate decided to fight for her right to orgy.
True story: In college I had a roommate have an orgy in our living room and then when we confronted her with housing staff, she refused to move out, so we just had a passive-aggressive standoff for months. It was horrendous. https://t.co/LEGXozcx5S
— Emily C. Singer (@CahnEmily) February 21, 2018
One guy’s roommate just didn’t understand oral hygiene … or boundaries.
Sophomore year I discovered that my roommate had been using my toothbrush for six weeks. The weirdest thing was that he claimed not to understand why I was upset. https://t.co/16XSvBHyE3
— Jacob Remes (@jacremes) February 21, 2018
There was one roommate who was something of an exhibitionist.
In college, I had this dream that I was on a boat in the middle of a storm. I kept rocking back & forth, and thought I was going to die. When I woke up, I was still moving.
After 10 scary seconds, I realized my roommate was having sex in the lower bunk. https://t.co/mboYJKSbZC
— Steven Hyden (@Steven_Hyden) February 21, 2018
One girl’s roomie was really reaching with this excuse for moving out.
https://twitter.com/caitlinamara/status/966436604796530688
This girl’s roommate had a littering problem … among other things.
When I was in residence my roommate *told* me I had to leave for the night when her boyfriend came to visit. When I got back there was a condom wrapper in my bed. https://t.co/GbiZQAMAS1
— Kaitlyn (@KaitAlexB) February 21, 2018
One roommate needed to get some better hobbies.
https://twitter.com/mosermusic/status/966478469403209728
This woman’s roommate thought she was going to give birth to a watermelon child.
I had a roommate who would stress eat watermelon, then get drunk, then decide that her "food baby" was an actual baby, buy it baby clothes online, and then fall asleep and wake up the next day and do it all again. We had so many baby clothes.
— Sara Lang Gifford (@SaraLang) February 21, 2018
And one guy couldn’t believe his roommate kept killing his pets …
My worst roommate kept killing my tarantulas during their afternoon walk-time around the apartment. https://t.co/6gfRUkjzIb
— Harold Pollack (@haroldpollack) February 21, 2018
… even though HE was obviously the nightmarish roommate in this scenario.
https://twitter.com/GeeDee215/status/966425578873217024
I don’t know, guys. From this perspective, a person who’s occasionally late on paying their share of utilities isn’t looking so bad …