Obviously, committing yourself to another person for the rest of your life is a huge deal. No matter how long a couple has been together it’s virtually impossible to know all the small details of another person’s life.
Now, many instances on this list seem to be things that would come up in a discussion if you are married to someone. Not knowing your wife is an unbelievable guitarist? Or, your husband speaks fluent German? These are things I feel like anyone planning to marry someone else should know a few of these things.
Maybe I just can’t do any really cool things so it would be within the first 4 conversations that I’d be like hey, just letting you know, I’m fluent in German and I absolutely shred the guitar. No big deal, but kind of a big deal. Here is a list of bizarre secrets people found out about their partners after their wedding days.
30. Oh yeah, the “small stuff.”
My wife is from Siberia (backstory: she was my exchange student girlfriend in high school. We got back in touch 17 years later and we were married a year-and-a-half ago). She is straight-up amazing, but I have always been at least a tiny bit nervous being the passenger when my wife drives. It’s not that she drives poorly, she just has a very different respect for the rules that I take for granted, like signaling before changing lanes, speed limits, merging and keeping distance between other cars. You know, small stuff.
Her foreign license won’t work here for long, and she studied the driver’s manual HARD to pass the written portion for her Oregon driver’s license. On her third attempt she passed, missing only one question.
Last night we were celebrating her victory and she confessed something that really surprised me: she acquired her Russian license with the aid of two bottles of Cognac, given to her instructor prior to the ride-along to ensure a passing grade.
29. Get you a chick that can do both!
The fact that she is actually a good cook! For 10 years I cooked almost every meal because every time she cooked it wasn’t very.. well.. good. Got married and ever since she has made awesome meals which are absolutely beautiful.
I asked her when she learned to cook and she told me she had always known how to cook but wanted to make sure I wasn’t marrying her to be a housewife who cooks and cleans for her husband.
28. I have so many questions.
“My husband has some kind of crazy allergic mutation that makes lemons like sulfuric acid on his tongue. For serious, his tongue gets burned. To be fair, he didn’t know that was unusual until after we got married. My favorite dessert is lemon bars, and he thought I just liked burning my own face off. Cute twist: he would still make and eat lemon bars with me every year for my birthday until we found out.”
27. Learn something new every day, I guess?
Literally 5 seconds ago I learned that my husband didn’t know women have to wipe after peeing.
26. I’m sad he felt he had to live a lie for so long.
A few years ago, after about 15 years as a couple, 7 years of marriage and one child together, I accidentally found out that my husband is a huge Star Trek fan.
I walked into our bedroom one day and he quickly changed the tv station, so naturally I asked what he was watching. He reluctantly confessed, and was obviously very embarrassed to have to tell me that he watches Star Trek all the time when he is alone. I find it hilarious that he was so embarrass about that after all those years. To this day he won’t watch the TV show or older movies with me; he says I ask too many questions.
25. Now that is a good mother.
“That my husband did not know the Northern and Southern Hemispheres experienced opposite seasons. I love him, but I do not want to our children to be in the same school district he was.”
24. How do people live like this?
“I didn’t realize until after we lived together that she can’t keep the bathroom floor dry. When she showers, I feel as though half of the time she points the shower head at the ground outside the shower. When she gets out, I imagine her shaking her body off in canine fashion.”
23. Why does this seem to be a reoccurring thing? Absolute madness.
That she doesn’t close any doors!
Getting a glass for a drink? Door stays open!
Getting silverware? Drawer stays open!
Taking a dump? Door stays open!
It’s 4am and you are getting ready for work. What’s that??
A DRESSER DRAWER!! HELLO HUMAN SHIN EVERY MORNING.
WOMAN, PLEASE CLOSE THINGS!
22. Some people just want to watch the world burn.
“That she doesn’t close any doors. Getting a glass for a drink? Door stays open! Getting silverware? Drawer stays open!”
21. Or you’re married to a spy? Ever watched a movie before?
We have been together 15 years and married for 7, we are watching tv the other day and someone starts speaking German and there are no subtitles – he translates it, like it’s no big thing. I’m like who ARE you? Apparently he’s watched so many war movies he speaks conversational German.
20. Absolutely mind-blowing, I’m sure.
That she can have an orgasm just by thinking about it. Yeah, amazing.