21.
friend: What’s one thing marriage has taught you?
me: If you walk into the house eating a candy bar you better have one for her too— Josh (@iwearaonesie) November 11, 2017
22.
It’s so nice when my husband’s away that the dog can fill in as the loudest breather of the household.
— EricaTriesToTweet (@EricaWhoToYou) November 16, 2017
23.
My wife is going to qualify for free shipping no matter how much it costs.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 28, 2017
24.
Wife: Darn. Prince Harry is off the market.
Me: Why does it matter? You weren't on the market.
Wife: *refuses to make eye contact*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 28, 2017
25.
Me: The legend of this day shall reverberate through the ages
Wife: Seriously? You did one load of laundry
Me: Behold my majesty
— Son of Dad (@ThugRaccoons) November 15, 2017