It’s a hard truth, but getting a boner is a fact of life. Especially in adolescence (but, let’s be honest, well into adulthood), they can just stand at attention due to the smallest or weirdest of stimuli. Most of the time you can keep those private moments involving your private private, but sometimes…a tent is pitched and not even the longest shirt or biggest notebook could hide things. Some people stood at attention and shared with Ask Reddit the most cringe-worthy tales of inopportune stiffs.
1. Just getting a jump on his evening plans.
I am a wedding photographer. A couple was going to consummate it just after our post ceremony portrait session. At the time I noticed he seemed goofy. At home editing, I saw the boner.
It took quite a lot of effort to remove his boner in Photoshop. But I did. And it hasn’t been spoken of ever.
2. A talent not so rare.
I was never given the formal sex talk, nor did any of my friends. Because of this, I didn’t really understand the boner when I started to get them. I thought that it was a talent that I had that nobody else did since I never heard of any other guys getting theirs to poke out. I still just saw penises as something that was used for peeing and I thought that was it.
When I was at school, I felt a boner coming on, and I said “Hey everyone, watch this” and gestured to my crotch, then the boner happened.
Needless to say, I was never popular at that school.
3. He wood like to erase this moment.
I was male cheerleader in high school, they were teaching me the stunts and showed me where to grab the girls when doing the lifts. I performed the lift for the first time and everyone saw my boner through my gym shorts.
4. Boys will be boys.
I tell this one a lot. But my 6 yo came up to me and sat down at the table and said “mom I need to tell you something.” ok what is it bud? I sit across from him and lean in. He sighs-“sometimes my wee-was goes up and it won’t come down again.” cue my dead face and internal struggle to not laugh- if I laugh I have lost my kid forever. ‘Sometimes it just happens. Its a natural thing and it happens to every boy and there’s nothing you can do about it. I promise it will go down again.’ apparent it happens when he is around girls. It is more of a blood flow from being flustered than arousal.
5. He sat instead of standing because when he was sitting he was partly standing.
Teacher: Come to the board and do this math problem.
Me: I can’t.
Teacher: Why not?
Me: I have an erection.
Teacher: (amongst uproarious laughter) Go to the office, HeSaidOvaries.
Me: I can’t.
Edit since people asked: I was mortified. I just reacted. I was all hopped up on boner hormones and just reacted. Teacher was chill about it later and we shared an awkward laugh after class. Not my proudest moment.