8 Awkward AF Hookup Stories That Will Make You Afraid To Get Laid Again

Sex can be weird as hell, kids.

Everyone has an embarrassing sex story. Everyone. That’s because sex, while awesome, is also inherently weird. I mean it’s two (at least two) naked bodies smushing together. There’s sounds, smells, bodily functions, unexpected obstacles, roommates, and all kinds of other weird things to deal with.

Hell, even if everything goes off without a hitch, you can still find yourself curled up in a ball of naked shame afterwards. It happens to everyone at least once.

That said, you might not have any stories that are as bad as the ones in this AskReddit thread which posed the delightfully leading question: “What is your embarrassing sex story that makes it hard to look that person in the eye when or if you see them again?”

1. From user billbapapa:

Back in Uni, they had a social function, everyone hammered, a girl I was friends with decided she wanted to be a bit more than friends.

I was single, she was nerdy hot and a pretty cool girl, so I was down with that.
We get back to her place, we are starting to get it on when she lets the nastiest fart out, loud, smelled like sewer gas. We both paused, she looked me in the eyes and I’m not sure what she or I were going to say at that moment, except she said, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry…” then she got up and ran to the bathroom.

We’ve all been in that situation, though normally, with enough warning to not get naked and ready for sex when it’s about to strike.

But she was in that bathroom and it sounded like death was coming. Grunting, swearing, bodily noises, etc.

I put my clothes back on, just yelled loudly, “I’m going to leave and give you privacy, I hope you feel better.”

It was quite a while before we had a real conversation again. That incident was never brought up.

2. From user eadala:

Finally! I get to tell this to every single person I meet cause my douchebag friends think it’s a great icebreaker for parties.

Doing cowgirl, approaching the half-hour mark, both of us enjoying ourselves tremendously. I’ve been sitting on the coast waiting for her to pull up to the beach so we could dive into the orgasm ocean together. She finally arrives and starts sprinting past me into the water (if you know what I’m saying), I try to slow her down because for whatever reason orgasms feel much better if we come at the same time. I don’t know what I could say that would slow her down, but not me, but keep us both excited.

In the end, I settled with the classic Fonzie “AYYYYYYYYYYY” while pointing pistol-fingers at her. This would have been okay, if not for the fact that I also had to sneeze. It moreso came out as “AYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEUCHOOOOOO!” The instant contraction from the sneeze was enough of a jolt to push us both over the edge, so she didn’t have time to hate me, which is kind of how I strategize most of my sexual encounters anyway. As we both came down from it, we were both laughing hysterically. I apologized profusely for my stupidity, but she replies with, “why the Fonz?”

She’s my current girlfriend of 3 years. Happened about 2 years ago. I wasn’t even alive when Happy Days was an airing sitcom.

3. From user fluffybears:

Had a crush on this guy in university. He invited me to his room and me being naive, I thought that he would want to talk/get to know me first. Starts making out with me, and I’m like “ok, cool, he’s hot so who cares”. Except he gets really into it, really fast, and cums in his pants. I was like “yeah, no.” and just left and never spoke to him again.

4. From user Gargalmydrp:

Dated a girl for a while, broke up with here and got back together. Thanksgiving comes around and my aunt likes to drink a few bottles of wine to her face and then cry about her dead dad was there.

Me and my ex decide to go upstairs for a little sexy time. I end up finishing on my bed. Whatever I was young, I didn’t care. We hear foot steps coming up stairs, so we scramble, I throw a pillow over my spunk and we hear a nock on my door. It’s my drunk aunt.

She come in and ask what we are doing, then proceeded to sit down on my bed, moving the pillow and put her hand in my cum. She asks why it’s wet and i respond to her with “that’s my cum”. She completely blows it off and then continues to ask my ex if her heart was broken. She starts crying and I’m just sitting there like, thug life. Looking at my aunt will never be the same.

5. From user SoYoung_SoHigh:

My sophomore year of University, I was seeing this freshman girl. We were fooling around in her dorm room, when she says she’s ready to try anal… She was not ready to try anal. Long story short, she shat on my dick, I had to walk down the dorm hallway, with shit on my dick covered by a towel. She started crying, and I had my roommate come pick me up.

6. From user buncatfarms:

my sister and parents were going to best buy. i thought that was a great opportunity to invite the guy i was hooking up with over to the house. i was giving him my first blow job after a lot of foreplay and wasn’t really sure what i was doing and finally just stopped and asked him ” are you there yet?”. mainly because i wasn’t sure if i was doing it correctly and i was so nervous my family was going to come home any minute. horny teenagers do not make good decisions…. i seriously cringe every time i think about that moment.

7. From user lrn1995:

Freshman year of college, I was a girl looking for some justification I was attractive. The first time a guy took me how we started doing the dirty, when all of the sudden I feel a sharp pain and then see blood. Splattered on the walls, in a huge pile on the sheets, like the elevator doors had been opened.

The poor guy gave me a towel to clean myself up but when I realized it was a lost cause, I ran to his bathroom (cleaning up the trail of blood behind me with the towel) and stood in his shower for 20 min. I remember staring up at the ceiling thinking “why doesn’t the world want me to get fucked?” I returned to the guy’s room and pretended I wasn’t a virgin when it was in fact QUITE obvious that was the case.

Turns out the guy was a complete sweetheart about it and we dated for a few months.

8. From user acoustic_girl:

So this was pretty recent but I’m hoping it’ll be okay in time.

I went to meet a guy at a hotel. We used to date but not for years, we’re still pretty close (we were) and fool around when we happen to be in the same city.

So the other relevant facts are that I’ve always been pretty submissive, which he knows, and also I’d been getting a little high all weekend and hadn’t really slept or anything, so I wasn’t exactly myself.

I met him in his room, and we curled up in bed. We started slowly, he was sweet and tender and we were better together than we’d ever been. It was beautiful, he knows that recently I had a couple of health issues that made me nervous in bed but he just works with that and makes me feel like a goddess regardless, we have a wonderful time and snuggle back up, kissing and basking in our post-coital glow.

A while passes and we start making out again. Being the genius I am, I decide that I’d change things up and I’d be all dominant for literally the first time in my sexual history. I start by grabbing the back of his head and pulling him into a passionate kiss. Sweet. He’s into it. I kneel up, ready to straddle him. Wait, I can’t, because of that op I had… I’m not prepared for this… I panic. What next? How do I carry this on?

What I should have done is played it off and just let him take over. I’m not into being dominant. He knows this. He’d look after me.

What I did was start laughing. Full on, body shaking, booming laughter. I can’t speak, I can’t breath, I can barely see because tears are pouring down my face. He starts off confused, moved through staring at me strangely, then looks kinda pissed as he gets dressed. I’m still howling in bed, trying to gain control of myself.

The worst thing is, I don’t know how to tell him why I’m laughing. “Sorry, I forgot that I’m super passive in bed and it made me cackle like a freak for the last ten minutes.”

So we did the only British thing to do: we left the hotel, went for coffee, and pretended nothing had happened. I’m not sure he’ll be calling any time soon, and I don’t know what to say to him if he does!