can you imagine being the first person to try caviar. just tear open a fish and eat whatever the fuck freaky beads fall out of it
— matt ? lubchansky (@Lubchansky) April 20, 2015
Just ate a salad when I could've eaten a cheeseburger. Where's my reward? I should get an award, right? Maybe a cheeseburger.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) June 23, 2016