My mom be cutting up fruit & bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. Thats when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much
— Madoff (@RealSlimSantana) August 2, 2017
reminder that winnie the pooh wore a crop top w/ no panties and ate his fave food and loved himself and u can too
— ◯ (@sryimnate) July 30, 2017
"your pizza will be there in 30-45 mins"
*46 mins later*
me on the phone with the pizza place: I just think it's really funny how
— b.b ?? (@Benoo_Brown) December 20, 2016
Me eating food from the fridge that i know was my siblings pic.twitter.com/drDMESs0g8
— Dory (@Dory) August 7, 2017
HER: So do you prefer cats or dogs?
ME: *scanning the menu* I don't even see them on here. What page are you on?
— Floyd is dead (@dafloydsta) October 24, 2016