Dating is hard. But honestly, so is everything else. Paying the bills is hard. Maintaining relationships with your friends and family is hard. Thinking about your career and future and financial stability is hard. EVERYTHING IS HARD.
Which is why whenever I hear people continuously complaining about how much dating sucks, I wonder, “Who said it would be easy?” Because guess what else…after you start dating, shit only gets harder. RELATIONSHIPS ARE HARD TOO. MARRIAGE IS HARD. Raising kids is easy, though. Ha ha!
If you find yourself in the Single & Complaining boat, just remember a couple of things:
1. One of the most important things in the world is being ok with being alone.
And not just being ok with it– Learning to relish it. The physical and mental benefits of solitude include increased concentration, productivity, and serenity. More importantly, being alone allows you a better understanding of yourself which will ultimately draw the right people to your side.
2. Think of all your awful dates as stories.
Life is just a series of stories we tell ourselves. Every moment is already a memory, one that doesn’t have to define you. Sure, your last 5 Bumble dates might’ve been a complete bust, but think of it as just 5 more stories to add to your book of life.
3. Murphy’s Law dictates that if you are actively looking for a partner, you will not find one.
Murphy’s Law actually does not dictate this at all, but doesn’t that always seem like the way of the world? The second you stop searching for something, it materializes in front of your eyes.
4. Giving up just closes you off from the world.
Be open. That does not mean you must now allow people to walk all over you. It just means you learn to take things in stride, you don’t weigh your own expectations on people or relationships. This accessibility will ultimately leak into other aspects of your life, opening opportunities you couldn’t have imagined.
Try being a Yes Man like Jim Carrey in the 2008 classic filmYes Man. Say yes to people and opportunities and hangouts. Unless you have trouble saying ‘no’ to people, in which case…y’know. Don’t be a Yes Man.
5. Ask yourself why you need a partner, really.
Is it because all your other girlfriends engaged, married, pregnant? Is the lack of a relationship preventing you from reaching some sort of milestone you’ve set for yourself in your own head? If so, remember that we are all on different walks in this life and comparison will only lead to stagnation and depression.
If you want a partner because you feel lonely, try tending to other relationships in your life. When’s the last time you asked a buddy how they were doing? I mean, really really asked? Friends are one of the most important things in this world. Value them.