We all have been there in our relationships–an argument gets heated and you feel the need to use passive aggressive comments to get your point across. Whether we insult our partner, our relationship, or the situation altogether, passive-aggressive comments can be dangerous to use in an argument with our significant other. It is easy to get caught in the heat of the moment and make your partner feel like less than they really are because you are so upset–but, it’s not healthy. It is important to understand how heat of the moment comments can actually destroy the way your partner thinks about you and themselves in the long run. These comments can destroy a relationship and bring on bigger tensions between you and your partner.
1. “You would say that.”
This comment is basically a low key diss. You are classifying your partner as something they are not by telling them they would say something like “that.” This comment categorizes them as a mean, rude person; or someone who has no regards for others when that isn’t the case. It is just the heat of the moment. Think of it this way: we expect someone who is racist for example to make remarks that are disrespectful and inconsiderate of those of a different race. When a racist person makes a comment of that nature you could say, “You would say something like that,” because it is expected. You don’t want to classify your partner as a person their not just because he or she is upset in the moment.
2. “I’m confused.”
It may not seem like such a big deal to let your partner know that you are confused about the argument but it is all about the way that you say it. Just flat out saying that you are confused could be taken as you’re just not listening. You want to have regards for your partner, especially in a heated argument. You don’t want things to escalate any further by making it seem that you don’t care. The best thing to do is to ask questions about what your partner is saying to clear up any confusion you may have and to make it seems even more like you are putting the effort in to understand the other side.
3. “You aren’t making any sense.”
When asking your questions to clear up the confusion, it is important to avoid getting frustrated and say “You aren’t making any sense.” You don’t want to make your partner feel like their opinions and feelings don’t matter or that they are un-relatable. You don’t want to make your partner feel like they are always in the wrong either. So, avoid this at all costs. the more frustrated your partner gets into an argument the more frustrated you will become as well. This will sabotage your own relationship. You should be doing everything in your power during a fight to help ease the situation, not make it worse.