5. Your friends and family don’t really like them.
Listen. People are motivated in weird ways, and if you have a weird relationship with one or two friends or family members, take this with a grain of salt. However, if more than just a couple of people who genuinely love you and care about you have voiced their concerns to you—you, with the Emoji-heart-eyes and blinders— hear them out.
It’s hard to hear things you don’t want to hear, but it’s harder to notice when something is “off” as you’re in the midst of it. The caring input of an outsider may provide valuable insight.
6. They are incapable of apologizing.
It’s important to know when you are wrong. It’s important to let your partner “win” sometimes. Pick your battles, you know?
If your partner doesn’t let certain things slide, gets on you for every little thing, and adamantly refuses to apologize to you, you’re in for a lifetime of gaslighting. No thanks.
7. They leave you alone in the relationship.
What I mean by this is that your partner sucks at communication. If at every important moment or argument they seem as though they are shutting down and distancing themselves from the situation emotionally (or physically) it may be time to either consider therapy or getting TFO.
In fact, this is what psychotherapist Laura Young calls the “number one problem” in any relationship. Can they argue without threatening to break up with you?
If you’re constantly walking on eggshells or feeling as though a dark storm cloud is following you around whenever they’re nearby and in a bad mood, it’s a problem. Who wants to live with bloody feet and the constant threat of rain for eternity?
8. They are controlling.
There are multiple levels of control and in neglecting to realize this many fall into an abusive trap.
If your partner makes you choose between themselves and other people you care about, that’s a pretty obvious red flag and you need to leave immediately.
However this also applies to things on a smaller scale; Do they pinch or tickle you repeatedly after you’ve told them to stop multiple times? It seems silly, but there is something to be said about a person who does not respect your personal space, as “innocent” as their actions may seem. It could pave the way to greater boundary-pushing, causing you to relinquish more control without even realizing.
9. They roll their eyes at you.
Research has shown that eye-rolling is a common predictor of divorce, the kiss of death among married couples. Not quite a micro-expression, a partner who rolls their eyes at you makes you feel disrespected, stupid, and unimportant.
Your forever person should never make you feel any of these things, seeing as most of us already do a fantastic job of it with no outside help.
These red flags are just a guideline to help you process what you’re actually feeling within your relationship. It’s complicated. It always is. Just remember to trust your gut. Your intuition rarely leads you astray.