23 People Reveal The Weirdest *Bleep* They Do When They’re Alone With Their Significant Others

When you’re in a long term relationship, things can get weird. I don’t mean like “Hey this is getting pretty serious, I’ve never felt this before” weird — although that will happen — I mean straight up weird. 

All the artifice that usually holds up your personality fades away, and you start sharing your real selves with each other. Weirdness included. It’s great. It’s also weird.

Over on this Reddit thread, the honest folks at r/askwomen shared the weirdest things they do when they’re alone with their significant others. Some of them are nauseatingly adorable. Most of them are weird as f***, and will make your relationship seem tame by comparison.

1. From Luminaria19

Make noises at each other. Like, it might start as an actual conversation and just devolve into going “meeerrrrhhhh” back and forth.


“Hey, what you doin?”







And so on until we get tired of it.


2. From destria

Sometimes I ask him to ‘pancake’ me which means he lies on top of me and kind of squashes me down. Idk it feels comforting? I swear it’s not a fetish…

3. From renfairesandqueso

My boyfriend and I give social commentary in the voices of 70-year-old characters named Enis and Ethel. They live on a farm in the Midwest sometime in the post-scarcity future and have children that don’t explain the internet to them.

“Alex sent me one of them memes today.” “Let me see it. Is that Evil Morty? I remember when he was a kid. Good kid. Then he got into that Satan-worshippin’ robotics club and it just weren’t the same.” “Hush, your pacemaker is robotic.”

And on and on until we devolve into ridiculous laughter.


4. From snapkangaroo

When one of us is doing something, the other will frequently “lion king” one of our pets in the other’s face, just to be distracting. This comes complete with a totally butchered rendition of “naaaa lasagnaaaa, or maybe a pizzaaaa”.

This started one night when my SO was drunk and singing as many Disney songs as he knew/could make up the lyrics to. Now it’s basically a daily thing.


5. From Liwka

We open our mouths wideish and lock them together as if we’re about to kiss and expel air that sounds like whale noises until one of us laughs too hard to continue.


6. From Cthulwhovian

At unexpected moments when we hug, one of us will get right next to the other’s ear and gently, quietly, whisper, “Ohhhh-praaaaaaaaaaaah.”

It’s disconcerting to feel the breath and sound in the ear, and we’ve gotten pretty good at knowing when one of us is about to try. I imagine it would be weird for someone to see us tenderly hug before one jumps back and yells “Do NOT Oprah me right now!”


7. From SexWomble

My wife likes me to sing songs to her entirely in cat meows.. She’s especially fond of my imperial march..


8. From thumper5

Too many things. First thing that comes to mind is that I usually ask him to let me rub my face in his armpit hair before he puts on his deodorant after a shower. It’s so soft! Plus it almost always ends with me accidentally tickling him and us making out a lot.


9. From LadyRavenEye

We each pick up a cat, and then press them together: cat sandwich.

Our cats do not like this.


10. From hazelnutmocha

Ask him to burrito me. So wrap me in blanket like a burrito and get on top of me and kiss me all over my face.


11. From enym

We have voices for our dogs and narrate their actions


12. From ScreamPrincess28

We do this thing called “Chameleon Hand” which i accidentally started one time when I was watching videos of Chameleons being adorable.

Basically you make your hand look like a chameleon’s, and then you hold it really far from your SO’s face, and slowly move it towards them. You do this until you touch their face and whisper “chameleon hand”. He does it really slowly to me and it usually makes me really squirmy and giggly as I anticipate the hand reaching me.


13. From FireInTheMist

My girlfriend bites my butt when my back is turned. I’ve done it to her a couple of times too, but she usually gets me first.


14. From sleepyemoji

We have impromptu naked dance parties, we have entire conversations in stupid voices, we investigate each other’s weird body problems, and we say really stupid, cheesy shit that we would be totally embarrassed by if anyone ever heard it.


15. From CatchUNextTuesday

Bf and I are pretty much fully grown children. We burp and fart at each other. We have tickle fights. We eat cereal and watch cartoons at midnight. We make up stupid words and have nonsense conversations. We climb on each other. The other day he dragged me around the kitchen floor by my feet because I couldn’t be bothered getting up. Then he laid down on me so I couldn’t get up. Sometimes he hides from me and then jumps out and scares me. We have a squeaky rubber chicken and a fake poo we hide around the house for each other. Sometimes instead of kissing I’ll blow air into his mouth as hard as I can. I blow raspberries on him a lot. We take pictures of each other sleeping in funny positions and send them to each other. He’s my best friend and I love our relationship 🙂


16. From thrwaysu

We play fight a lot. Like in prowrestling, complete with commentary.

We’re about to hit our thirties and I still love jumping off the couch and elbow-dropping him.

And yes there’s a sexual tinge to it, since more often than not, all the physicality seriously turns me on.


17. From VeritasEtVenia

Develop an elaborate backstory for our dog. She’s an accountant, a musician, a royal, an EMT. She’s traveled all over. She’s done all sorts of things. We also change popular songs to make them about us or about the dog.


18. From Kerassi

We do a lot of weird stuff. The first that comes to mind is the weird kissing and how its evolved. We have pet beardies, so we’d randomly kiss each other by poking our tongues out on each others cheeks, nose and face region like lizards. Then we developed fish fight kissing, where we open our mouths in an O shape and just slowly place them together, then retract back as if we’re offended and repeat. There’s a few more but Im sure if we did it in public along with our weird noise mating calls we’d worry a lot of people.


19. From mamamarmar

Not technically “alone,” but when my husband and I are out shopping and get separated, then spot each other, one of us will run the other direction and then the other has to chase after. So yeah, a couple of people in their 30s chasing each other through the store like shitty little kids. This accounts for most of my cardio.


20. From LaurenRhymesWOrange

We blow raspberries and ask each other why we would fart when we were having such a nice time. It’s great.


21. From goblinish

He pulls my toes. It feels so good to get them cracked like that. He also kisses the two stuffed animals that he bought me that share our bed. Whenever we start getting too sappy one will threaten to kick the other out on Tuesday (first one to say it during the week wins but it can’t be pre-emptive for the next week and it has to be in context we can’t just wake up on Wednesday morning and tell the other to be out by Tuesday. There are rules we aren’t barbarians lol). Rat therapy. When one of us is feeling down or mopey the other will put 5 rats on them to climb around and play. Impossible to not be at least a little lighter in your heart with 5 sweet silly rats on you. Conversations with the bird which devolve in us just saying “yeah?” Over and over to each other and the bird lol.


22. From givesblowjobs

Make the ugliest, stupidest, weirdest faces possible and ask one another “would you still love me if I looked like this?” Or just stupid “would you still love me if..” situations like “would you still love me if I had two giant toes instead of five normal sized toes?”


23. From Brooklyn_Bunny

I use my extractor on his back to squeeze out all his blackheads and pimples 🙂 he doesn’t enjoy it I basically force him to let me do it in exchange for something like a massage. I used to be really bad about picking my face when my skin was bad and making it worse and I’m really good about not touching it now….but if I get a sudden urge to pick my face then I’ll pick my SO’s back instead. I’m also a weirdo and enjoy watching Dr. Pimple Popper videos on YouTube and Instagram.