At a funeral, got up to the coffin, asked the widow of the deceased “how are you?” Goddamnit, you know exactly how the fuck she is, why would you ask such a thing?!
When they once announced our librarian (horrible lady) had passed away over the PA, my brain faded and I accidentally said “Looks like she finally got our Library to be quiet”
At one point I was having lunch with my then girlfriend. I asked if she wanted to say hi to her friend. She said she didn’t see her. I pointed to her and asked “do you not recognise her bent over?” To which she responded “do you?”
I was in an interview and the CEO asked me “so tell me a bit about your guilty pleasures. You drink? You smoke?” I told him I enjoy a good drink and I am definitly pro-marijuana.
He then said “I meant cigars”.
I went to a funeral last year for my coworkers father who had just passed away. I was standing there with a couple other people when someone accidentally bumped into me and quickly apologized, the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “What are you trying to kill me?”
painfully awkward silence