16.
Once I passed out drunk at Georgia O'Keeffe's house and she drew a vagina on my face
— Abby Holidays (@abbycohenwl) January 26, 2016
17.
She: But WHY are you breaking up with me? Please tell me honestly.
He (sigh): Ok It's…your "signature sex move"
She: Judgmental Corpse?— Abby Holidays (@abbycohenwl) March 27, 2015
18.
Me: I heard you'll inject poison into my face
Doc: Botox, to smooth wrinkles, yes
Me: I don't mind if it does that as long as it kills me— Abby Holidays (@abbycohenwl) October 26, 2016
19.
Me: I know panty hose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone
Bank Teller: So is this not a robbery?
Me: No, It is— Abby Holidays (@abbycohenwl) February 26, 2016
20.
Guy: How many puppies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Do you know yet?
Me (in a sea of puppies): No, they haven't done it. Bring more— Abby Holidays (@abbycohenwl) October 11, 2015