Now that January is finally behind us, we can focus on a new month and a short month at that. February is only 28 days long, but there’s one day in particular that overshadows the entire month. Yup, you guessed it…Valentine’s Day.
While some couples are all about this mushy gushy holiday, a lot of us could really care less, but that doesn’t mean we don’t necessarily want the opportunity to spoil a special someone in our lives.
These are a few unusual gifts that even people who hate Valentine’s Day as much as we do can still appreciate.
Full disclosure: We may receive some portion of the sales made on this list. We’re putting all the money into stocks and bonds. And by stocks and bonds, I mean chocolate and ice cream.
1. This playful and kind of creepy cushion you can customize with a photo of yourself.
Gives “sit on my face” a whole new meaning.
Get it from Firebox for $22.99
2. This wonderful beard bouquet that’ll stand the test of time.
She said she wanted roses…
Get it from Firebox for $14.99
3. A box of edible anuses because everyone wants chocolate on Valentine’s Day.
An extra special kind of chocolate.
Get it from Amazon for $9.99
4. An adorable squishy penis pillow they can snuggle up with.
His name is Pierre.
Get it from Firebox for $19.99
5. A pair of comfy bread slippers or loafers…get it?
Perfect for the couple who enjoys a well-crafted pun.
Get it from Amazon for $17.99
6. A set of greeting cards that show the depths of your devotion.
Damn, that’s true love right there.
Get it from Society6 for $4.99 (3-pack)
7. This pope-themed lingerie set that’ll ensure a very holy Valentine’s Day.
Safe to say you won’t be leaving room for Jesus.
Get it from Yandy for $59.95
8. A notepad that lists all the reasons why you need to bang.
Check ’em all, baby.
Get it from Amazon for $7.27
9. This stuffed bear who loves with all its butt.
That’s a whole lotta love.
Get it from Amazon from $21.99+
10. This Fifty Shades Of Chicken cookbook that’ll really get the night going.
Punishingly good recipes.
Get it from Amazon for $12.27
11. A jar of Dill Dough stress relief putty they’ll love to play with.
This is what they meant right? A dill dough.
Get it from Amazon for $9.95
12. This rather aggressive candle that lets him know just how deep your love goes.
Got it? K, thanks.
Get it from Etsy for $12.00
13. A pair of Fundies for the couple who just can’t get enough of each other.
Seems a bit unpractical, but whatever.
Get it from Amazon for $7.48
14. Some wildly romantic raspberry and rose chocolates.
I hate everyone but you.
Get it from Firebox for $10.99
15. A pair of squishy pink balls they can squeeze whenever they feel stressed at work.
Just thinking of you, babe.
Get it from Firebox for $26.99
16. This helpful guide that’ll make your partner feel very well-endowed.
It’s a tough life.
Get it from Firebox for $13.99
17. A sweet mug that’ll remind them how much they’re loved every day.
A f*ck ton, that’s how much.
Get it from Firebox for $13.99
18. This collection of love tokens that are perfect for any occasion.
Use them wisely.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $13.00
19. A wacky tube guy that’ll brighten up your lover’s desk.
And you don’t even have to buy a car!
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $12.95
20. A pair of old-school Tamagotchis for nostalgia’s sake.
Ahh takes me back.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $12.00
21. These matching key rings for the cutest pair of weirdos.
Gotta love a little weirdness.
Get it from Etsy for $26.00
Happy Valentine’s Day, you bunch of weirdos.