10.
On a family vacation to Egypt, we visited the Valley of the Kings to see the tombs. I hadn’t felt good all day but I WAS NOT going to miss all the fun. As soon as we got there, little 16 year old me ran to the bathroom, bypassing the lady giving out toilet paper, rushed into a stall and EXPLODED! My sister ended up having to spend like $4 on toilet paper (you have to pay per square in public restrooms). Flash forward two hours, we’ve finished our tour and are leaving through the lobby…….. the toilets had been “closed for maintenance”.
I literally broke an Egyptian national monument. #mortified
9.
I had just started dating this guy who was very wealthy and wanted to introduce him to my best friend, so we go over to his house and socialize for a few hours until after dark. My friend steps outside to have a smoke and a long time goes by, longer that usual for her. She eventually pops her head back in the door and say she needs me ASAP. I go out to the porch and she is freaking out. She proceeded to tell me that she stepped in a mud pit and got it all over his pristine deck. I told her that it was no big deal, we will just pick it up and clean it off with our hands. Half way through wiping it off I feel the grit and smell the funk. She had stepped in dog shit and we were smearing it all over the porch with our hands. We panicked and had to leave immediately and hoped that a rainstorm perhaps would wash it away. I never heard back from him.
8.
I was in the car with my boyfriend and another couple. We had just eaten at Buffalo Wild Wings and my stomach was not happy with me. We were driving the other couple back home where there was a shit ton of construction going on on their road and we were at a stoplight. I began having the feeling of “oh my god, I need to go to the bathroom.” So I asked our friend if I could use their bathroom when we dropped them off, he said it was fine. Not a minute later, I had the worst diarrhea of my life in the passenger seat of our car. I looked at my boyfriend with a horror in my eyes, and I said to him, “I just shit myself.” As soon as we dropped our friends off, they were none the wiser since we opened all windows to air out a possible smell, we zoomed back to our house, I went inside and took a deep cleaning shower while my boyfriend cleaned up the car. I was so embarrassed and I was crying.
7.
Took a shit in a dude’s house and then his toilet wouldn’t flush.
Found a plastic shower cap, grabbed my turd with it and baggied that thing like I do my dog’s poops. Quadruple layered it in toilet paper and put in the trash. The feeling of my own shit in my hand still haunts me.
6.
I worked in a drive up coffee cart in high school. As you can imagine, is no bathroom in one of those things and the convenience store on the same lot was closed. I must have had a stomach bug or something and suffice to say, I had one of those ticking time bomb emergency poops. I had two choices: poop in my pants or poop in the trash can. I pooped in the trash can and had a very shameful walk to the nearby dumpster that any ordinary person driving by would think was a normal everyday task. It was not.
5.
So I was 8 years old, in Girl Scouts and we had just went on a mini field trip to the movies. As soon as it was time for our parents to pick us up, I had this super intense cramp in my stomach, and I just knew I couldn’t wait. I told my cousin to wait in case my mom had come, and I just ran off into the speed of light, to find the bathroom. The second I walked in the stall, it ALL just came out, everywhere! Mushy, watery shit like I had bathed in a frekin mud bath!! Even worse I was wearing a skirt, and didn’t have time to unbutton it. I remember just bawling my eyes out and here comes my mom, she just starts cleaning the shit all over legs!! We had to throw away my socks, shoes and underwear. It was the most saddest thing ever. My mom hadn’t wiped my ass since I was a baby. Now my family always give me shit about this shit story.
4.
My husband and I were on our honeymoon in Iceland in December. I was on some medication that makes stuff happen, uh, a lot faster than you’d hope and my stomach was adjusting to the food. We were about two blocks away getting groceries for the week one night, maybe just over a five minute walk away. We were checking out when I told my husband “I have to go NOW.” We check out as fast as possible and walk as quickly as allowed on snowy and icy streets and sidewalks. We get to the steps of our rental flat to unlock it and I felt it. I did everything I could to clench, but it all came forth like an explosion of hot lava. As if I was living out that scene from Bridemaids, I crouch down, crying, going “ITS HAPPENING.” We then get upstairs and I finish in the bathroom as my loving, AMAZING husband cleans my pants out with his hands.
3.
I am a middle school teacher who has ibs (I know it’s a wonderful combo) anyways… one morning I had some coffee and as I start to feel the need to go, some of my students walk in with drama. As they are telling me what happened, I feel the cramping start and ground hogs day begin (you know the will it come out or not). Anyways, I finally excuse myself and as I am walking to the bathroom, it starts coming like lava, oh and have I mentioned that I am wearing a maxi, so there is no chance of stuff being catches and contained. Long story short, I had to use water and Lysol disinfectant to clean myself up because you know a teacher has got to teach
2.
I had been out with my BF and dropped him at his apartment. I asked if I could use the bathroom as I was feeling BAD. He refused because his “roommate” was home. He then explained his roommate was his pregnant ex-girlfriend. So on top of the impending poop doom I get that little piece of info. I left so fast because I was crying and was going to poop my pants. I ended up having the worst bowel movement in a CVS parking lot a block away from this guys place, in a snow storm. Poo was everywhere so I stripped naked, wrapped myself in a blanket I had in the car, left my clothes at the scene, and drove home windows down naked smelling like defeat.
1.
I was in the middle of an exam at school when my stomach howls and cramps seize my lower abdomen. Bolting for the bathroom, I make it to the toilet just in time to let the majority flow out except for this one hard bit at the end. No matter how hard I pushed, this little poop nugget just wouldn’t come out. I wiped anyway, and accidentally smeared poop EVERYWHERE- all over my hand, the waistband of my pants, the hem of my shirt… It took half a roll of toilet paper to clean it off my ass and clothes the best I could, and then I had to wash my hands. Having come to check on me because I’d been gone for so long, the teacher walked in to see me trying to scrape poop out from under my nails with a pencil into the sink.
–pks0