21. You don’t want to leave your wedding in handcuffs.
“You have to kiss your wife at your wedding even if you don’t want to or you’ll get arrested.”
22. This kid is going to go real far.
If we pour the milk into the cereal bag we save time later.
23. This little guy is learning to cheat the system.
We have a reward chart that gives our 3 year old stickers for being good and bad.
He asked for a cartoon before bed, I looked at the chart and saw there were no good stickers for today. He has a massive tantrum, and chucks his cup of milk on the floor.
I calm him down. I see a spark go off in his head. He runs in the kitchen, then runs out with the roll of paper towels. “If I clean this up, will you give me a good sticker?
24. Why else would they keep their hair so long?
From a kindergartner: “Girls have long hair so they can cry and blow their nose into it.”
25. This kid really gets it.
I was applying to work at a coffee shop at my friend’s house filling out the application online. I asked my friend if I could use him as a reference, and if I should put “friend” or “employer” or something else. When all of a sudden, his little brother (age 7 I believe) asked me “why do they (job) need to know who your best friend is? shouldn’t all they know is ‘can you make coffee?’ ‘when can you make coffee?'”
26. Who am I to question his motives?
As part of their routine physicals I always ask kids what they want to be when they grow up.
Kid (probably age 5-6, I can’t quite remember): I want to be a doctor.
Me: That’s very nice. It’s fun being a doctor.
Kid: Well if I’m a doctor I’ll be rich. If I’m rich I can buy a car. And then I can hit my brother with the car and run him over.
Me: …..
27. You just got owned by a small child.
My now adult Niece when she was little… “I can count to 10”
Me- “Ok, show me”
Niece proceeds to count to 10.
Me- “Ok, can you do that backwards?”
Niece – “Yeah.. thats easy”
Niece proceeds to turn around and face the other way and count to 10…
28. This kid just flipped your whole life upside down.
Kid: How old are you?
Me: 34.
Kid: Wow, you’re old you’re almost dead! That’s funny!
Me:…
29. I think I can get on board with this “oney-one” movement.
Teaching numbers 1-100. “Why is it eleven and not oney-one?”. I didn’t have a good answer.
30. What else is the dollar store for?
Are you out of money? Go to the Dollar Store to get more dollars.
31. The moon is a spy!
My little brother was 5 at the time and we were on a train to London. It was getting dark and all I hear is my little brother whisper yelling ‘I told you, mum, the moon is following us’. Then he spent like the half an hour keeping a close eye on the moon because it was ‘spying on us’ and he didn’t trust it. The most entertaining train ride I’ve ever been on. Was fun watching my little brother stumble across his first conspiracy.
32. If you don’t know how everything works it kind of makes sense.
My cousin loudly told his teacher that he has to pee because the cold weather made his ball sack shrink squeezing the pee into his wiener.