50 Little White Lies That Have Evolved Into ‘This Is My Life Now’


I was really desperate for an A on my final project for Chinese so I asked my mom(who’s a native speaker) for help. Well it worked, the teacher was impressed and I got the grade I wanted… but next year I had the same teacher and she had really high expectations. I end up studying for hours every day while asking my mom to help with my homework for months. Eventually my Chinese got to a point where my mom would look at it and almost always confirm that it was correct(and not grammatically awkward).
So yeah. Learned a language to cover up cheating on a single project the year prior.


My husband works as a data analyst and codes programs and apps for the business side of the company. Once they make an app, it needs an icon to go along with it when it launches. They usually use the company designer, but one day one of his co-workers submitted an icon design for their new app (one my husband had worked on) and others followed. People kept submitting art, so they made it a contest (no prize, just glory). When he got home, he told me about it and then asked if I was interested in joining. That night I did a quick design, he fell in love with it, and asked me to finish it so he could submit it. So I did…
Time passed, my drawing won, and they made it the app icon. Eveything was great, until the day his team was in a meeting with the company VP. The VP had heard about the icon competition and asked who had submitted the winning app icon. One of my husband’s co-workers quickly called out his name before he could say anything. The VP was impressed and then said that he deserved a reward (money reward) for his work. Surprised and too embarrassed to correct the VP, my husband just stayed quiet. Not denying the information made everyone believe he was the artist. He doesn’t have an artistic bone in his body. When he got home, he told me the story and gave me the money for my work. I thought it would end there… but it didn’t!
When their next app was ready for launch someone asked him to make an icon for them because they loved his previous design. He could have put an end to the misinformation then but he was too embrassed, so he said yes. He got home and asked me to make the icon, he even said he would pay me. I found the situation hilarious so, after laughing at him, I agreed… plus I was getting paid.
This has gone on for a while (about 3 years), I have made about 5 icons for the company under my husband’s name. He has been pretty dedicated to keeping up the lie all these years. He has asked me about my process of thought when I draw, so he can tell his co-workers about his method. He asked me about my tablet and the program I use. He brain storms about the drawings with his co-workers and tells me what they want. And when I’m too busy to draw, he tells his co-workers how HE is too busy to draw.
By now it’s our little secret and it has turned into an inside joke. Right now I’m supposed to draw a new icon but I have been so busy that I haven’t had time. So when I see him playing games or chilling on the couch I tease him by saying, “Shouldn’t you be drawing right now?”


I’m disabled. I use two crutches to walk. When I’m not actually hobbling along it’s one of those disabilities that can be mistaken for just having a broken leg or something. People frequently ask me “What did I do to need those crutches?”
When I started university I told a girl that I cage-wrestled a bear. She was drunk and thought it was hilarious. I thought it was clear that I was completely obviously joking. There is no sane way I could have been serious.
About three hours later I’m at the student union. Gareth Gates is singing (that one off pop Idol) I’m trying to take a picture of him, and I hear two girls in front of me: “Do you know why he’s got those?” “Yeah he got mauled by a bear or something” “Are you serious?”
Several months later I have to go meet my partner for our placement study. I’ve never met her before in my life, but she knows me already as the guy who got attacked by a bear.
At Christmas I head home, (only a couple of hours away) and meet up with some friends for drinks. “Turrabo, why the fuck are you telling everybody that you got mauled by a bear?”