One of my closest friends works as a tattoo artist. Lucky for her, she’s very amiable and talkative, and genuinely enjoys hearing people’s stories. She once recalled to me how anytime she’d see a wedding ring on a client’s finger, she’d ask how they knew their partner was “the one.” She was surprised to note that 9 out of 10 times, their response was the same. “I just knew,” they’d say. “When you know, you know.”
Of course, their reasons when pressed varied, since their partners so greatly varied. One man said it was her smile that got him. Another said she made him not only behave like a better person, she actually made him want to be better. One woman said “Everything about him. I mean, there are things about him I hate, but even the things I hate I still sort of love in a weird way.”
A surefire way to tell a relationship isn’t going to work out is when one half of the couple feels insecure or rejected on a constant and consistent basis. But there are ways to tell when a relationship is meant to be, as well. Here are some of those signs:
1. He doesn’t mourn that bachelor life.
Instead of feeling like he’s missing out on those single-life activities like hitting the bars with his bros every weekend night, he’s perfectly content hanging out with you, knowing he could go out by himself no problem but not constantly wanting to. When he does have fun on his own, he tells you how much more fun he would’ve had if you’d been there with him― not out of codependency, but because fun or special moments are so much MORE fun and special when you have your person by your side.
2. He laughs at the stuff you say…a lot.
Even if it’s really dumb. Even if it’s a single word, the only word you’re capable of properly saying in an Australian accent (in my case it’s “Hugh Jackman” which is technically two words but you get my drift). If he laughs easily and often with you, it means there’s a deeper connection that will stand the test of time, past physical appearance.
It also means he’s totally comfortable with you and you make him feel good. Who doesn’t want a partner that feels good to be around?
3. He doesn’t agree with you on everything.
A healthy level of argument is totally normal in a relationship. It means each person has a strongly held belief that they are willing to stick by, indicative of the individuality retention every relationship needs to remain strong. If there is absolutely zero argument in the relationship, it means one person is sacrificing something they need without letting on― an obvious sign of poor communication.
Rather than letting your differences put a splinter between you two, you adapt and figure out the way in which your various strengths and weaknesses can fit together snugly, like pieces in a puzzle.
4. He’s at his best when he’s with you.
This doesn’t mean he’s always his best when he’s around you. But it does mean he is generally happier, more optimistic, open, adventurous, and joyful. Being around your “the one” means feeling really good waaaay more often than anything else. If negative words and emotions are what is prevalent in your relationship, y’all just simply aren’t meant to be together.
5. But when he’s not his best, you’re there for him.
A lot of unexpected and crappy stuff happens in life. You understand when and why he’s upset and do whatever is in your power to cheer him up― even if that means giving him some alone time. He notices how you stick by him when times get hard, and he is appreciative of it. In other words, y’all are all in.
6. He talks about (and, duh, has) sex.
As everyone knows, communication is the foundation to a healthy and long lasting relationship— and this includes communication within the bedroom. The two of you are sexually compatible and are able to speak openly and unabashedly about your desires, wants, and expectations.
7. He doesn’t have to always be talking.
Being able to just hang out with somebody in comfortable silence is indicative of feeling safe. It is important for couples to be able to just ~chill~ in the same room without having to speak and still feel relaxed.
8. He is on the same page as you when it comes to kids.
A big reason people get divorced is because they go into marriage with the expectation one person will change their minds about children. I personally know two couples who have been absolutely perfect for one another aside from that one pretty huge difference. This is one of those make-or-break decisions you both have to be in agreement over.
9. He supports your passions and dreams, and vice versa.
Maintaining individual lives in terms of hobbies and passions is super important. What else are you going to talk about 10 years into a relationship if you don’t have your own thing going on? Whether or not you share each others’ passions or life ambitions, truly caring about someone means you want to see them succeed in whatever it is they are pursuing.
This also means continuing to put effort in constantly throughout the life of the relationship. Like anything else in this world, it needs maintenance so that it doesn’t get old and rusty and tired.