Why Victims of Sexual Assault Do Not Owe Us Their Stories

We owe them our trust.

A few years ago I went to a college bar when a guy straight up groped me from behind between my legs. I turned around and punched him straight in the face. But guess what? I probably didn’t need to tell you that for you to assume that as women, we’ve all been sexually harassed at one point or another. And no other victim owes anyone sh*t, either. We just owe each other support.

All too many times, women victims are blamed and denied a voice in the matters of harassment and assault, especially sexual assault. It’s the epitome of rape culture and the absolute shame of what it means to enter this world as a woman. What it means to automatically have this “lesser” status, you know the one that says we’re “lesser” than the man.

I was brought up to believe that women are equal to men – and we are. Just not to those who are threatened by it, and I’m sure many can relate.

So when it comes to the #MeToo statuses and posts that are flooding social media, I wonder if it’s necessary. And not necessary in the fact that women don’t need to come together because we totally do – but, do we owe anyone this?

Do we owe the world our exploitation in order to make a point? Or is it that the world should stop sexualizing us and give us their trust when we say we claim the role of victim. Whether it’s sexual harassment and assault or the “blame game” – are we forcing women to come together for the sake of coming together? Or are we forcing women to come together for the sake of believing them?

That’s the fu*ked up part.

We don’t believe one woman because if she comes out she could be lying or it must only be her. Instead of thinking lets trust her because if there’s one, there’s a bunch more. We blame women before we even think about blaming men. We find every reason to avoid conflict with the man, than to prove to them they shouldn’t cause conflict to begin with.

To be blunt – men need to get the fu*king hint that we’re not here to be a cum bucket or ease their sexual needs. We’re here because we are human. That’s it.

It’s like the age-old phrase “boys will be boys.”

How about “men should be men and held accountable for just as much as the next person.”

Can you imagine what would happen if women everywhere started acting like idiots and messing up at their jobs because that’s what society expects out of women? Imagine them saying “Oh! Women will be women!” Implying that we’re all a bunch of morons and we should get a free-pass. Yeah, I’m sure that would go over well. That phrase just gives men the benefit of every doubt.

But for some reason – we’re expected to believe that a guy saying our ass looks tight or that they would f*ck the shit out of us is “boys will be boys.” We’re told to believe that a guy putting his hand on us is an automatic reaction they just “can’t control.”

How about no.

But think about it – our schools didn’t help either. They have told us from the second we started school that there is a dress code because our clothes can be considered “distracting” to boys. Don’t show your shoulders, don’t let your mid-drift show, don’t wear shorts more than an inch above the knee. And when we ask why we’re told it’s because we will be sexualized by our male classmates. Maybe they don’t say it that way – but that’s exactly what they’re saying. What kind of example is this? Ladies, don’t tempt them – they can’t control it.

Yeah, actually, they fu*king can.

I was in the 7th grade when the boys started talking about my ass. I swear it was the most uncomfortable thing in the world and I get it, I know I have a fat ass. I just didn’t realize that you had to sexualize it for me. If I want to show what I got that’s my business and I am surely not asking for it the same way you wouldn’t be asking for it if I said to you “Hey John, your d*ck looks great hanging to the left in your pants today!” in front of everyone.

Can you fu*king imagine?

What I’m trying to get at is the second this happens, we as women are forced to believe that we are better off keeping our mouths shut because we’re just going to ruin it for ourselves. We are going to be looked at as the problem.

Why did he sexually harass you? Did you give him the idea you were into him? Are you sure you didn’t say yes? Is there something you’re not telling us?


What matters is that he did it, you were victimized. And he will, again.

So to everyone who is posting #MeToo, I stand by you – and most of us do. But I don’t think you owe me or the rest of the world a single damn thing. We owe you. We owe you respect, we owe you courtesy, and we owe you our trust.

You don’t need to come out and exploit yourself any more than the man who brought you here already has. You’ve already been abused and harassed and have had your self-worth completely ignored by someone who needed to feel the power in their own moment of weakness. Because no happy, secure, good man will ever turn around and make you feel uncomfortable for his own sexual pleasure, for his own sexual identity. I promise you that.

We as women need to come together beyond #MeToo. We need to stop letting sh*t slide. We need to speak out more, and if you feel scared – seek the help you need. Learn what resources are available to you at work, turn to your friends, and ultimately – don’t let him get away with it.

Don’t worry about him, don’t worry about us and what we’ll think – worry about you. This isn’t about a battle of men and women, it’s a matter of men realizing that they need to support women, not degrade them, regardless of if they’ve ever been the guilty one.

Because guess what? #MeToo.

You are never alone and coming out with it shouldn’t be about convincing anyone, it should be about believing in yourself.