The 20 Do’s & Don’ts Of Getting Over A Really Sh*tty Breakup

Breakups can be really hard to swallow, especially when they come out of absolutely nowhere. Plenty of times in our lives we find ourselves so infatuated with someone and wrapped up in the romance of “forever,” that we are blinded by the reality of all the red flags that are popping up in our “wonderland.” Breakups can be f*cking awful. We feel like sh*t, we don’t want to face everyone around us, we don’t even want to face ourselves half the time. But, there comes a moment when we need to get the f*ck out of bed and get on with our lives because – nothing really lasts forever anymore, now does it? Instead of turning to toxic and unhealthy coping mechanisms, there are a lot of ways to get over your sh*tty ex that won’t hurt you or anyone around you.

Do:

1. Book a solo trip and re-meet yourself.

After you go through a breakup, a lot about you is going to change. Even when you’re in the relationship, you probably lost a lot of “who you are” to the person you were with. You need some TLC with yourself and some time to really get to know yourself again.

2. Change up your hair.

You’re going to hate everything about yourself for a good while after you go through the motions. Changing something small or simple like a haircut or color will make you feel brand new and fresh. Everyone needs to get pampered every now and again.

3. Try a new hobby you’ve been putting off.

Find something you can really put all of your energy into. Maybe you want to go to an improv class in the city, maybe you’ve always been interested in learning to play the guitar – whatever it is, use your emotions to really focus on it, instead of focusing on your past.

4. Do a wardrobe purge.

Go through your wardrobe and get rid of everything that’s not “you” anymore – it’s true, we all have 75%-80% of our wardrobe that we never, ever wear. Donate it to charity, or even make a project out of cutting up old t-shirts into something better.

5. Volunteer somewhere.

There are tons of shelters, soup kitchens, shops and sites that need volunteers. Giving back will make you feel better about yourself and about the world – especially when everything feels super f*cking sh*tty.

6. Start a blog.

I’ve always been in love with writing, but, my best work has always come out when I was highly emotional. Whenever I had relationship struggles, family problems or even issues with friends, my mind worked in ways that I just needed to get it out into words. Who knows? You could make an entire career out of it.

7. Reconnect with old friends.

Chances are, you cut a lot of people off, or put some distance between you and friends while you were dating someone. There’s no reason to completely feel alone when you’re going through a breakup. Text a friend and grab a coffee or a drink for happy hour – spend time with people who will make you forget why you were upset in the first place.

8. Treat yourself to something you’ve always wanted.

Whether it’s something big or something small, do it for you and no one else. Buy yourself the necklace you’ve been eyeing, save up and get yourself a new car. Whatever it is, feel good because you did it for yourself.

9. Go to the gym.

Working out has a lot of health benefits that have nothing to do with weight loss. The more you exercise, the more endorphins are released – you know, the “feel good” drug. When you’re feeling depressed, upset or anxious, working out will be your best friend. Plus, you never know who you’ll meet at the gym.

10. Get on Tinder or Bumble.

I’m usually not a fan of dating apps, but getting yourself out there and seeing that there are hundreds of other fish in the sea is eye-opening. You don’t need to go date right away after a breakup, but it doesn’t hurt to look and flirt casually.

11. Do something extremely adventurous.

Go sky-diving or rock climbing. Do something that will get your adrenaline flowing and make you feel alive. Everyone feels so dull and dead inside whenever they lose someone special, it’s important to remember it’s not the end of the world.

12. Do the 30-day journal.

My therapist once made me write down everything I felt for an entire month. Not every single thought that entered my mind, but everything I was happy or sad about any given day. Looking back on the journal, you’ll see what makes you feel good and what doesn’t. You can distance yourself from all the negativity moving forward and start to build a better path for yourself and your happiness.

13. Do a “meet up.”

A lot of big cities have things called “meet-ups.” You can do an activity you really enjoy – like a show, going to a museum, a class – and you basically go with “groups of people in your age group.” If your friends are all in relationships or away at school, it’s a great way to meet new people who share similar interests with you.

14. Pinspiration.

I’m a Pinterest freak, I’ll admit it. Pinterest is my favorite thing to do at night when I’m not paying attention to a TV show and, they have everything. Find yourself new recipes that you can make for you and your friends, look at some fashion inspo you can put together, even find some DIY projects that can take up your time. Pin it all, girl.

15. See someone.

Sometimes after a breakup, people feel incredibly depressed and unhappy, so much so that it affects their entire world. Going to see a therapist or a counsellor is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it’s healthy. Now is a perfect time to start working on yourself and your problems you may have so you can learn to cope and move on for your future.

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Written by Lex Gabrielle

A writer and teacher from New York City who fully supports messy buns and 3+ cups of coffee a day.