31.
"I was just about to do that chore that I see you're starting now"
– Marriage
— *Halloween Moniker* (@Mr_Kapowski) May 10, 2016
32.
Nothing in life can prepare you for how much of marriage is spent just listening to someone cough.
— bela lugosi's beth? (@bourgeoisalien) May 3, 2016
33.
Text from wife: I'm so sorry, I'm gonna be about half an hour late
Me [forgot we were even meeting, still in bed]: you always do this— David Hughes (@david8hughes) November 6, 2016
34.
You know you've been married a while when you can correctly answer "What's that one person's name in that movie about the thing?"
— *Halloween Moniker* (@Mr_Kapowski) November 4, 2016
35.
When you're married, 90% of a Friday night is asking "Do we have to go to this?"
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 5, 2016
36.
Wife: can you pick up milk?
Me: [lifts gallon] yea it's easy
Wife: I mean from the store
Me: I would imagine it weighs the same there too
— The Scarenstain Bear (@LeBearGirdle) October 22, 2016
37.
husband tries to dramatically break news by asking, "Are you sitting down?" and I'm like, sitting down is literally all I do
— Jenn (@heyevergreen) January 18, 2016
38.
[in bed]
Me: hey, did you grab my butt
Wife: yeah sorry, I was looking for the remote
— Covfefe Rock?? (@TheMichaelRock) November 6, 2016
39.
ME: There's no i in team but there is one in pizza
WIFE: so you’re not going to share
ME: I am not going to share— Very Scary Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) January 18, 2016
40.
Hey guys, if your wife says she's at home doing laundry, she's lying. She's at Target, they're all at Target, literally right this minute.
— BornHusky (@dlockw21) December 16, 2015