Marriage is complex and takes a lot of work to sustain, but when it comes to describing what it’s like, these people nail it in nice concise tweets. Also, don’t forget to take out the trash.
1.
Marriage is alright if you like someone coming home and telling you about their day in the middle of your movie
— Dumb Beezie (@dumbbeezie) June 1, 2017
2.
Wife: *trying to open a can of tuna* Our can opener is broken.
Me: So it's a can't opener?
Wife: I can't believe I married you.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) June 2, 2017
3.
Me: I spent HALF as much as YOU usually do on groceries.
Wife: Congratulations.
[2 hours later]
Me: We have nothing to eat in this house.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) January 9, 2016
4.
[Me, on my deathbed]
Wife: Is that what you're going to wear?
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 23, 2017
5.
Got a popcorn maker for my wedding (it's my wife. She makes popcorn) pic.twitter.com/gug4Kyxd5O
— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) June 9, 2017
6.
"I could just get Quilted Northern and you can get whatever your brand is," the most married man in Target sighs into speaker phone.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) May 20, 2017
7.
(Going to Wife's Work Party)
WIFE: Don't just be quiet like last time.
(Later at Dinner)
ME: Did you know marsupials are not a kind of soup?— The Pale Space Rider (@truegritrumble) June 4, 2017
8.
Husband: *choking on a curly fry*
Me: *starts panicking* Oh god, oh my GOD! Did you seriously take my last curly fry?!
— Not Sara (@smithsara79) June 5, 2017
9.
I just googled, "how to get away with killing my husband" on @IMKristenBell phone. Just in case. Now there's a record.
— dax shepard (@daxshepard1) May 11, 2015
10.
My husband keeps nagging me to get my oil changed, which is ridiculous because I swear I just did that three thousand months ago.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 18, 2017