31.
https://twitter.com/Mr_Kapowski/status/729828577563156480
32.
https://twitter.com/bourgeoisalien/status/727302111197720576
33.
Text from wife: I'm so sorry, I'm gonna be about half an hour late
Me [forgot we were even meeting, still in bed]: you always do this— David Hughes (@david8hughes) November 6, 2016
34.
https://twitter.com/Mr_Kapowski/status/794634411803176960
35.
When you're married, 90% of a Friday night is asking "Do we have to go to this?"
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 5, 2016
36.
Wife: can you pick up milk?
Me: [lifts gallon] yea it's easy
Wife: I mean from the store
Me: I would imagine it weighs the same there too
— brandAn is good (@LeBearGirdle) October 22, 2016
37.
husband tries to dramatically break news by asking, "Are you sitting down?" and I'm like, sitting down is literally all I do
— Jen (@lionheaded_) January 18, 2016
38.
[in bed]
Me: hey, did you grab my butt
Wife: yeah sorry, I was looking for the remote
— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) November 6, 2016
39.
ME: There's no i in team but there is one in pizza
WIFE: so you’re not going to share
ME: I am not going to share— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) January 18, 2016
40.
Hey guys, if your wife says she's at home doing laundry, she's lying. She's at Target, they're all at Target, literally right this minute.
— BornHusky (@dlockw21) December 16, 2015