“GAD and depression for probably two decades. My childhood nickname was “smiley”. My positive attitude gets remarked on often. My brain still fires weird regardless.”
“I have suffered from depression for more than 2 thirds of my life. Think about that. Most of my life has been in pain and misery. Most of my life has been spent fighting my demons of suicidal ideation and convincing myself to stay, to keep fighting. There are days, even now, that I can draft my goodbye note in my head. There are days I can almost convince myself that my son and my family could be better off without me. Yet, this is no way makes me an unfit mother. One thing I never fail at for my son is loving him. Showing him he is loved. I know some of you say “you shouldn’t have children if you are mentally ill” and to you I say: Eat a bag of dicks. My son saved my life. My son saves my life every day. I will not keep from him that I am sick when he is old enough to understand. I’d rather he see me battle my mind, than think even a fraction of my pain was caused by him.”
I wish I could tell you that I'm happy, grateful and loving life. I wish I wasn't feeling everything but OK. 〰 We often wrap mental illness up in a little bow, we see black and white photos of media attractive people crying and pouring out their soul in a romanticised way. 〰 The reality? TW suicide; I've spent the last few weeks… Not washing. Not brushing my teeth. Forgetting to take meds. Wishing i could die in a way that wouldn't hurt my family. Bingeing and overeating. Not really moving if possible. Over sleeping. Being cruel/rude/impatient. Wishing eli could have a mentally sound mother. Not being able to commit to my uni placement. Dodging important calls. Being ashamed of Rishi to see the way I look. Wanting to be someone else, less disgusting, less worthless. Jealousy fuelled anger. The list is endless and far from what you'd see on tumblr search for mental illness. 〰 I'm tired, angry, exhausted and confused. 〰 However, I am not ashamed. I am not choosing to be like this and I wanted to show anyone who's in a similar space right now that it will get better. I say this right now hardly believing it myself (my heSd saying shut it Milly with your fairytale crap) but it's true. The world has more in store for you than the pain you're feeling right now and I'm extending my hand to you. You're not alone. ❤️
Face of depression… . . Most people would never guess that I have clinical depression/bipolar disorder II. I'm a usually extremely positive person and very active, so it's hard for others to imagine me being so depressed that I can barely leave my bed. But it happens. I have been fortunate to usually only have mild cases, and have not had to be on medication, but that hasn't always been the case. So for anyone else who suffers from the invisible condition, I am here for you…. . #depression #depressed #bipolardisorder #bipolar #bipolar2 #bipolardisorder2 #lessmanicepisodes #manic #hypomanic was/is also called #manicdepression #nomeds #homeopathic … some #symptoms mirror the other condition I have – #fibromyalgia #lossofenergy #noenergy #sleepdisorders #lethargy #memoryissues … sometimes I wonder if the depression caused the #fibro or vice-versa . #faceofdepression #creepsuponme #stress #trigger #downwardspiral #notfun but I am usually able to force myself out of it with some #coping #technique #copingtechniques #depressionsucks
Reaching out for help when it comes to mental illness is one of the hardest things to do. I remember going to multiple doctors, seeing lots of different medical professionals in the mental health field and still being told "But you look okay, you've managed to do your hair and make up and get dressed, it can't be that bad" I am still worthy of help if I turn up to my appointments with make up on I am still worthy of help if I have good days I am still worthy of help if my hair has been dyed and washed I am still worthy of help if I'm managing my self care ? Mental illness doesn't have a look What does mental illness look like? It looks different every single day Never tell anyone they don't look ill when they try and speak out about their mental health, how is one supposed to look when mentally ill? We are allowed good days, we're allowed to post about those good days, we're allowed to cherish and hold on to those good days! These photos are two days apart, sometimes this happens hours apart I could be wearing make up and still feel how I do in the first photo but I could also be having a good day You don't know what someone is battling so never assume! We are all worthy of help no matter how we look! Aesthetics should never come into the equation when seeking help for mental health illness! #endthestigma #butyoudontlooksick #stillworthythough #mentalillness #mentalhealthmatters #anxiety #bpd #cptsd #depression #fuckthestigmaofmentalillness #honest #vulnerable #vulnerableself #mentalhealthsupport #wealldeservehelp #wedeservetobeheard #wegotthis #soworthy
Poor mental health isn't always crying and running mascara. . Sometimes it's not washing your pots, leaving washing sprawled on your bed because when it's hard to just step out of bed housework isn't exactly top of the list. 〰 Sometimes it's not washing for weeks, leaving your hair so greasy you could fry an egg on there or have an eye watering smell under your pits! 〰 It's okay to not have your shit together. It's okay to have a messy ass house. It's okay to have pots in your sink as high as Mount Everest. 〰 It doesn't make you lazy, gross or unworthy. You're not weird or odd and you are NEVER ALONE. ??