15 Of The Best F***ing Deals On Amazon Today

We get it: you don’t have the time or patience to poke around Amazon all day looking for cool stuff to buy. Thing is, we do! So we scrolled through endless garbage to find the coolest stuff and bring it right to your screen. Thank us later. Or now! Thank us whenever you want.

Full disclosure: We may receive some portion of the sales made on this list. We’re using the money to build a robot that goes to work in our place.

1. Swordsicles!

Popsicles shaped like swords! Statistically the safest way to put a sword in your mouth.

Check it out here!

2. A turtle card holder.

He can hold all your business cards, and you know he won’t run away too fast.

Check it out here!

3. This sleek turn table.

Pair it with your favorite $6 coffee and some avocado toast ya f***in hipster.

Check it out here!

4. These hanger dudes.

They just hang around. So your clothes can hang with them. Hangin out. You get it.

Check it out here!

5. This iPhone alarm clock dock.

Your iPhone is already your alarm, right? Why not make it official.

Check it out here!

6. A raccoon hat.

The must-have hat for winter in 18th century Russia.

Check it out here!

7. This orange tea infuser.

Orange you glad your tea is ready? I’m sorry.

Check it out here!

8. A taco stand.

Because your tacos won’t stand on their own. They’re spineless.

Check it out here!

9. A selfie stick.

We’re passed them being lame, and onto them being ironically kind of cool. So…

Check it out here!

10. This face mask.

Remove blackheads while you scare the f*** out of your boyfriend.

Check it out here!

11. A fidget cube.

Finally, something to do with your hands that doesn’t involve typing or masturbating.

Check it out here!

12. This Van Gogh bag.

Get it? Gogh bag?

Check it out here!

13. This high five pad.

Use it to make your high fives official. I guess.

Check it out here!

14. This dapper cat pillow.

Easily in the top five most well-dressed cat pillows I’ve ever seen.

Check it out here!

15. Luchador earrings.

Self explanatory, really.

Check ’em out here!