15 Of The Best F***ing Deals On Amazon Today

We get it: you don’t have the time or patience to poke around Amazon all day looking for cool stuff to buy. Thing is, we do! So we scrolled through endless garbage to find the coolest stuff and bring it right to your screen. Thank us later. Or now! Thank us whenever you want.

Full disclosure: We may receive some portion of the sales made on this list. We’re using the money to invest in infrastructure and build up the working class.

1. This crazy drink dispenser.

Put it in your evil lair, for when you plot post-brunch world domination.

Check it out here!

2. A chicken leg pillow.

For when your boyfriends chicken legs are too bony.

Check it out here!

3. This pizza hat.

For the only team worth supporting.

Check it out here!

4. This decadent kitty mug.

The little cat face won’t judge you for having that fourth cup of coffee.

Check it out here!

5. Pizza cat towel.

Can you think of a better combination of words?

Check it out here!

6. These citrus coasters.

They look like fruit slices, which I believe counts as a serving of fruit?

Check ’em out here!

7. A wine candle.

Which will really set the mood for wine drinking.

Check it out here!

8. A Loch Ness tea infuser.

Makes your tea taste just like a monster lake.

Check it out here!

9. Elderflower tonic.

Sounds like something the Red Woman uses on Game of Thrones so… what are you still doing here?

Check it out here!

10. A parrot corkscrew.

Significantly less annoying than an actual parrot.

Check it out here!

11. This dinosaur taco holder.

Finally, an answer to the question “Can dinosaurs hold tacos?”

Check it out here!

12. A death star cutting board.

That’s no moon.

Check it out here!

13. An apple tissue holder.

Literally perfect if apples make you sneeze.

Check it out here!

14. The only t-shirt you’ll ever need.

You’ll probably still get cat called because men are literally garbage.

Check it out here!

15. This fly jewelry hanger.

Get it? Fly? It’s early, give me a break.

Check it out here!