15 Of The Best F***ing Deals On Amazon Today

We get it: you don’t have the time or patience to poke around Amazon all day looking for cool stuff to buy. Thing is, we do! So we scrolled through endless garbage to find the coolest stuff and bring it right to your screen. Thank us later. Or now! Thank us whenever you want.

Full disclosure: We may receive some portion of the sales made on this list. We’re gonna use it to buy an Emmy. Oh yeah, the award show is fake you just buy those.

1.  This giant pizza blanket will keep you warm and cozy.

Much like real pizza. Only sleeping under this blanket is a lot less greasy.

Check it out here!

2. This hangry spoon is how you really feel.

And a bowl of cereal is just the appetizer.

Check it out here!

3. This gentlemanly ice cube tray.

For classy nights drinking boxed wine with ice in it.

Check it out here!

4. A pin that is literally you.

And your cat.

Check it out here!

5. These gloves that might actually get you to do the dishes.

Just kidding. You’ll be too distracted putting on little plays over the sink.

Check it out here!

6. A dish for your ex boyfriend.

Send the haters a casserole.

Check it out here!

7. Candles as black as your soul.

Light them up so you can bathe in bathe in blood. Or regular water. Up to you.

Check it out here!

8. Make this little man your office slave.

He’ll never talk back to you either.

Check it out here!

9. This avocado patch isn’t 2 dollars extra.

Nor is it going to go bad after 45 seconds.

Check it out here!

10. Make your outlets a little classier.

And a whole lot funnier. Give them names! Like Frank and Kristoff. Just spitballin here.

Check ’em out here!

11. These Stormtrooper bookends are amazing.

And totally safe since they have terrible aim.

Check it out here!

12. This mug will keep you motivated every day.

Because even when you’re not the boss, you are.

Check it out here!

13. This water bottle for your post-workout.

Technically pizza has vegetables and protein. And cheese and grease. MMM.

Check it out here!

14. This keyboard waffle maker is exactly what you didn’t know you needed.

Much like a gif of baby elephants.

Check it out here!

15. This hand mirror will make you feel like a mermaid.

More than you already do when you brush your hair on a rock by the ocean.

Check it out here!