I finally lost my virginity. I also found out the side effects of my antidepressants: It’s hard for me to get it up, and I can’t orgasm. When I finally got it up, I went so long, it ended with her saying, “Yeah, you should stop now, I’m numb.”
I was making out with my boyfriend whilst straddled on top of him. He started to undo my bra. I was fine with this but he stopped kissing me and looked at me with a slight smile. He then said, “I know this is going to kill the mood… but I feel like I could milk your boobs right now”
I thought I’d spice things up by kissing my husband on the lips and then working my way down. But about halfway, I got some of his chest hairs lodged in my throat and started gagging. To avoid ruining the mood, I kept going, silently gagging, until we finished. I swallowed the hair.
My girlfriend and I were getting hot and steamy in the shower until I slipped and fell backward into the shower curtain, which caused me to hit the back of my head on the toilet seat, and the bar of the shower curtain to land on my throat.
I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor.
I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend’s panties with my teeth. I didn’t expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked.