Weddings can be a lot of drama and headaches. Aside from planning and paying for every little thing, getting everyone you know and love into the same room can be a lot. Sometimes, not everyone gets along. Sometimes, people have a bad history. It can be a sh*t show.
Recently, one soon-to-be maid of honor, u/Liotheleon, asked the Reddit thread “Am I The Asshole” if she was wrong for backing out of her best friend’s wedding after finding out that her cheating ex-fiancé is going to be the best man.
Jump into the worst week of my life. I was with my ex fiancé for 6 years. Loved him with every fiber of my being, wedding planned for August. Refused a job offer so could move with him for his next Air Force assignment. Monday a call girl from a website called massage republic texts him in the middle of the night saying she’s reaching out to old clients because she’s back in the game (his phone was at my house while he was flying) I text back she must have wrong number. She says she doesn’t. In a moment of brains I pretend to be him instead of the jealous girlfriend and call girl gives me all the details. I’m such a fool this had been happening under my nose for years.
I confront him, he claims to be a sex addict and promises tochange. I consider it for half a second and say no. Cue uncontrollable crying, self doubt, a battery of STD tests, awkward encounters with him, fight over the ring, his mom (who I loved) calling me non stop and begging me to reconsider and on and on.
While that’s bad enough as it is, her best friend is getting married soon and her ex-fiancé is the best man.
And on top of all this my best friend is marrying his best friend may 11th. Groom doesn’t want to rock the boat at this late date and selecting a new best man. Bride says she has way too much in her plate and is begging me to just go through with it and she’ll “make it up to me.”
I’ve never hated a human being as much as I hate him. I can’t be in the same room with him let alone walk arm in arm with him. I understand the whole wedding doesn’t need to fall apart because I’m upset. so I just want to not go and spend the day downing the left over percocets from my wisdom teeth operation, fucking as many tinder dudes who can stand to be around me after not showering and burning all his shit.
Woukd I be the asshole if I back out of the wedding?
If you were to ask me, I’d say no. I think that securing your own mental and emotional health comes first and foremost in life. No one is going to take care of you but you. If it’s too much emotional stress to attend the wedding—and be in the wedding party where you have to take hundreds of pictures with this dude and hang out with him all day long—then I’d back out, 100%.
People on Reddit also felt the same. Many people said that she’s not the asshole for backing out, and her friend should totally understand. Some also said her best friend was wrong for not kicking the best man out of the wedding party.
If she’s my best friend, she will understand me for not being there. However, if I’m the bride, and it’s my best friend going through this shit. I’ll kick the best man out of the wedding. –lishalin
She can not and will not ever make it up to you for putting you through that. –lyre34
You backing out of the wedding will be an inconvenience for your friends, but that can be solved. Ex BF sucks, but he doesn’t have to miss his friend’s wedding. You don’t have to tolerate his presence. –tldr_notsorry
Can the groom demote the not so “best man”? Especially since he’s the piece of work spore that cheated? I mean, I don’t envy any of the bridesmaids having to walk with this soggy, gnat-encrusted lampshade, but why should you lose your position of honor? –MageWyntyr
She wants you to suck up your pain for her day. Its selfish, and I would put money on the fact that if you ever asked her to do the same she’d outright refuse. –ItsATerribleLife
Bride is an asshole for not standing up for her maid of honor. That is literally your best friend. Groom also asshole for not stepping up for you too. Fuck people who say “it’s our day, there are no problems in the world on our day” –boopboopBettie
If the Reddit user’s best friend is truly her best friend and wants her in the wedding party, she would talk to her husband and explain that his friend is the one who cheated and messed up the flow, so his friend should be the one who’s outed.
Coming out of a three-year relationship where I was cheated on, you couldn’t pay me all the money in the world to walk down the aisle with that man—nor stand next to him in photos. OP is 100% right.