When it comes to wedding advice and crazy stories, we always hear things from brides and bridesmaids. But, this time around, a future groom is coming to the Internet for some advice on how to handle his wedding.
u/Thedereksd asked Reddit users on the “Am I The Asshole” thread if he was wrong for wanting to cut his best friend out of his wedding after he felt jaded about how he handled his own wedding. He elaborates by saying:
Long story short, my best friend got married last year. I was asked to be co best man and had to share duties with one of his former coworkers because said coworker had asked my best friend to be his best man a few years beforehand.
My best friend and I had been friends years before this coworker came into the picture but I was fine with sharing duties. Coworker lives across the country now so I was tasked with planning the bachelor party and paid for everything. Coworker never attempted to help with planning or financially.
Best friends wedding comes around and I’m relegated to 2nd best man. I have to give my speech after “coworker” and even though I was told I’d be the one to do it, coworker signed best friends marriage certificate.
Clearly, u/Thedereksd was not happy about being the “second” best man at his friend’s wedding after years of friendship. Now that his wedding is coming around, he’s not too keen on the idea of having this guy be a big part of it.
I’m getting married next year and my fiancé brought about the idea of not doing a wedding party (groomsmen and bridesmaids) as to not make people feel like they had an obligation so they could just enjoy the wedding. I agreed but only to spite my friend and not have him be my best man. If the events that played out hadn’t happened, I would have fought to have him be my best man. I’m also planning on having another friend sign my marriage certificate. Am I being an asshole?
People online were mixed in their feelings. Some people said this guy was being pretty damn petty about being second to his friend’s coworker.
You keep saying “co-worker”, but he’s obviously more than that to your friend. People can have more than one best friend. If you value signing a piece of paper more than his friendship, you don’t value the friendship very much. —PizzaReheat
Though you have plausible deniability for why you’re doing it, so as petty revenges go, it falls together kinda perfectly. I would work on letting go of your anger though, it’s not good for anyone, and you sound like you lost a friend over something that might have been cleared up. —ITreadOnTheGround
YTA because you’re cutting him out due to spite. —TysticMomato
Others said he’s entitled to his own feelings about his friend and seeing as it’s his wedding day, he’s allowed to handle it however he wants.
I can’t believe people are saying you’re TA, it’s your wedding and you do as you damn please for whatever reason you feel like. Its your day. —klemma13
You are under no obligation to value a friend more than he values you. —lightreader
Your best friend doesn’t consider you their best friend, and that’s fine. However, he took advantage of your time and money. If they don’t value your friendship enough to acknowledge your feelings, you don’t owe them the time to explain why you don’t want them as your best man. —GrammatonYHWH
All in all, if he’s going to go without groomsmen and bridesmaids, it’s totally fine to have his best friend not be his best man. But, to cut him out completely because he felt jaded over sharing the best man position at his friend’s wedding—that’s petty. Especially as adults.