Bride Tries To Force Bridesmaid Into Attending Her Party Instead Of Staying With Her Dying Relative

Bridezillas—they’re the worst. There’s something in the water when it comes to brides preparing for their big day. Some women think that they are the center of attention and need to be the “end all, be all” of everyone’s lives before their big day. But, sometimes life happens and other things take priority—like, you know, our families.

Recently, one bridesmaid—u/be333444—asked what she should do after her friend, who’s getting married, is giving her guilt for wanting to stay with a close relative who is in the hospital dying of cancer, instead of attending her party.

A close relative of mine is in hospital dying of cancer right now and has been given days to live. He is my family’s only priority right now and we are all devastated, he is suffering awfully and we spend our days in the hospital almost waiting for him to be put out of his misery.

On Saturday I am supposed to be attending my best friends hen party. I am the bridesmaid and have arranged it all with the other bridesmaid. This has been tough as bride is expecting a lot and her family attending have no money to attend (people have complained about the meals costing £30 when this is all they may have to pay for). Some have cancelled and I have lost money because of unpaid deposits.

The hen night will be party games at my friends house (with drinks bought by bridesmaids, to keep costs down), a meal out, and then clubbing afterwards.

I in no way want to attend, I can’t think of anything worse right now than hosting a group of 14 guests and acting happy when I’ve spent the last week crying, and spending my evening in a club full of drunk people.

She tried to speak to the bride, but, she still is giving the bridesmaid some guilt and assumes she will still attend, despite her relative being so sick.

I’ve called bride tonight to try to hint I may not be able to attend and hoped she’d understand. She lost her dad a few years ago to cancer, she knows the impact it has. She was supportive in the conversation but also said as long as I’ve organised and attend the hen, then she’s happy. She’s not even considering the possibility of me not attending. My boyfriend and family think she is being ridiculous, and I am getting annoyed that she won’t openly give me the option to do whatever I need to do. I don’t want to let her down as she means a lot to me, but I am in no position to support her and her party right now.

Is she being a selfish bridezilla for still wanting me to attend or am I being unreasonable? I need other opinions on this please.

She even updated the post, letting everyone know that her family member was not getting better, and the bride still insisted she come to the party.

Edit: Family member is still here and fighting but it’s only a matter of time now. I was feeling more positive this morning so text her to warn her I may not be able to attend (I know, I know, I have a serious problem saying no to people, it’s infuriating but I wanted to ‘let her down easy’).

Her reply was not rude or upsetting, but she made me promise not to decide quite yet as there’s still two days to go. She also mentioned several times that it would be good for me to get a change of scenery and get out, and that she doesn’t mind if I have to cry. Also that I shouldn’t feel guilty for enjoying myself. No mention of doing what is best for me, just insistence that she knows going out will be good for me.

People online were outraged to see that a bride could be such a cold-hearted bitch.

I went through something similar last week. I told the bride I could not attend for many reasons (my own health, a family member being diagnosed with cancer, finances, 5 hour drive) and she was everything but supportive. She gave me the silent treatment for hours then proceeded to tell me she’s “tired of excuses”. She gave me an ultimatum pretty much and hasn’t spoken to me since. It’s sad because I’m having a really hard time and I have no support from her.

Weddings bring out the worst in people sometimes.its4thr04w4y

Please don’t feel guilty. You have every right to grieve how you want to grieve. It would be exceedingly difficult to bury these types of feelings for a joyous event. I am hopeful she will be more understanding when you express all of this to her than you expect. Maybe you are making a mountain out of a mole hill (her reaction) because you are so loathe to disappoint her. Totally get that! But I agree with the above sentiment that you deserve and need self care and it’s okay to put yourself first. —Elinornneb

Right now, you and your family come first. Everything else, including a silly party is so far behind that they have disappeared from sight. lectumestt

But, other people said that the bridesmaid wasn’t being upfront.

At this point she is not being a bridezilla because you only hinted that you don’t want to go. You need to straight up say that you will not be going. teenbean12

I agree, you really need to be upfront. I totally get that her lack of empathy is hurtful but maybe she really is wrapped up in her own life and hasn’t tried to take a look at it from your point of view. Sometimes BFFs are perfectly tuned in and sometimes they’re not. Give her the opportunity to do right by you before you get upset/frustrated. I also agree that she should let you off the hook and say that she loves you and will be thinking of you. Sending positive thoughts, so sorry for what you’re going through. —Elinornneb

She’s not a bridezilla. You are not being straightforward. Stop beating around the bush and have a conversation. —RudyRoo2017

While I agree with the bridesmaid that spending time with your family—especially in a time of crisis—is much more important than a party, she needs to be up front and honest with her friend. If she’s not, she can’t be mad that the bride still thinks she’ll come to the party. But, at the same time, the bride should tell her not to worry and to be with her family. So, basically, both are in the wrong.

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Written by Lex Gabrielle

A writer and teacher from New York City who fully supports messy buns and 3+ cups of coffee a day.