Sometimes, I think about my future and wonder how many kids I’m going to have. The younger I was, the more kids I thought I would have. But, as I got older and discovered things like Twitter, I realized that being a parent isn’t all that incredible.
Sure, having kids and making your own tiny people seems like a really special experience. But, then they get older, and bigger, and begin to mouth off to you–who wants that? Not I.
My husband and I just sat in our car outside of our house and ate a huge piece of carrot cake because we didn’t want to share it with our kids.
— Lady Lieutenant Columbo ???? (@TacosChallah) August 15, 2018
Alexa: remind me to feed the baby pic.twitter.com/p3sEUcTgYa
— Michael Margolis (@yipe) June 9, 2018
Ah, morning: the sun is shining, the coffee's brewing, and your kids’ screen time for the day is still fresh enough that you haven’t started to feel guilty about it yet.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 12, 2018
My daughter has now decided that whenever she wants something or is in trouble and her explanation is completely absurd she can yell “Sharknado logic” and get a pass lol thanks #Sharknado6
— Mandy P (@HiddenGem05) August 20, 2018
My daughter just tried to yank my eyelashes out…wtf! I was like girl what are you doing?! "I NEED TO MAKE A WISH" pic.twitter.com/PemyAAIOFr
— Auntie Ang (@TheKitchenista) August 20, 2018
Husband: Why’s this guy in the minivan driving like a maniac?
9yo: Why’s Dad talking about himself in the 3rd person?
— Jesspacito (@mommajessiec) August 6, 2018
I'm not saying I'm a parenting expert, but letting your kids have ice cream for breakfast makes the morning more pleasant.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 1, 2016
9yo: Mom, what did you do before you had kids?
Me: Slept in.
— Jesspacito (@mommajessiec) August 16, 2018
Childbirth classes should include useful parenting advice, like how to dispose of a kid's artwork in the outside trash bin only.
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) August 16, 2018
Parenting is stressful because when kids are loud, they're annoying and when they're quiet, they might be about to lose a limb or eyeball.
— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) October 1, 2014
My daughter was afraid of spiders so I had the brilliant idea of showing her Charlotte’s Web so she would like them. We are halfway through and while she does, indeed, like Charlotte, I’m realizing I’ve made a terrible mistake.
— Sydnee McElroy (@sydneemcelroy) August 20, 2018