Sometimes, I think about my future and wonder how many kids I’m going to have. The younger I was, the more kids I thought I would have. But, as I got older and discovered things like Twitter, I realized that being a parent isn’t all that incredible.
Sure, having kids and making your own tiny people seems like a really special experience. But, then they get older, and bigger, and begin to mouth off to you–who wants that? Not I.
27.
My husband and I just sat in our car outside of our house and ate a huge piece of carrot cake because we didn’t want to share it with our kids.
— Lady Lieutenant Columbo ???? (@TacosChallah) August 15, 2018
26.
Alexa: remind me to feed the baby pic.twitter.com/p3sEUcTgYa
— Michael Margolis (@yipe) June 9, 2018
25.
Ah, morning: the sun is shining, the coffee's brewing, and your kids’ screen time for the day is still fresh enough that you haven’t started to feel guilty about it yet.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 12, 2018
24.
My daughter has now decided that whenever she wants something or is in trouble and her explanation is completely absurd she can yell “Sharknado logic” and get a pass lol thanks #Sharknado6
— Mandy P (@HiddenGem05) August 20, 2018
23.
My daughter just tried to yank my eyelashes out…wtf! I was like girl what are you doing?! "I NEED TO MAKE A WISH" pic.twitter.com/PemyAAIOFr
— Auntie Ang (@TheKitchenista) August 20, 2018
22.
[in car]
Husband: Why’s this guy in the minivan driving like a maniac?
9yo: Why’s Dad talking about himself in the 3rd person?
— Jesspacito (@mommajessiec) August 6, 2018
21.
I'm not saying I'm a parenting expert, but letting your kids have ice cream for breakfast makes the morning more pleasant.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 1, 2016
20.
9yo: Mom, what did you do before you had kids?
Me: Slept in.
— Jesspacito (@mommajessiec) August 16, 2018
19.
Childbirth classes should include useful parenting advice, like how to dispose of a kid's artwork in the outside trash bin only.
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) August 16, 2018
18.
Parenting is stressful because when kids are loud, they're annoying and when they're quiet, they might be about to lose a limb or eyeball.
— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) October 1, 2014
17.
My daughter was afraid of spiders so I had the brilliant idea of showing her Charlotte’s Web so she would like them. We are halfway through and while she does, indeed, like Charlotte, I’m realizing I’ve made a terrible mistake.
— Sydnee McElroy (@sydneemcelroy) August 20, 2018