Being overly focused on “fairness”
Relationships ebb and flow. Sometimes one person will contribute more, sometimes the other. If you are obsessed with and always guarding your “fair share” and only doing your 50% of the effort your relationship will become a long drawn out fight rather than a relationship.
Expecting that it will always be like the first several months. Every major relationship starts off with that manic phase of super romantic stuff where there’s constant gushing and every interaction is turned into some huge romantic gesture. That all tapers off eventually, but in a good way. You become more comfortable with each other to the point that your relationship becomes a romantic companionship. You both still love each other just the same, but you show it in different, more subtle ways. Often times one or both parties interpret this tapering off as a loss in interest or love (which sometimes it can be), and become clingy and start acting desperate.
Abuse of any kind. Substance, emotional, mental, physical, financial.
Finding out far in into your relationship that your SO doesn’t want to get married or have kids and that’s a huge goal in your life…
Not spending time to work on issues. Relationships, like anything, require maintenance to keep functioning.
Relationships require work, you can’t expect it to repay you in kind if you aren’t willing to put in the effort. It is not always 50/50 either. Sometimes you will have to put more in, other times your partner will have to pick up the slack when you can’t give it your all.
Chronic illness, it changes the whole dynamic of the relationship. One person feels guilty and is angry at the things they can no longer do. And the other person gets overwhelmed, starts to lack self care and resentment sets in. It takes a very strong relationship to overcome, I thank my lucky stars everyday for my husband.
Finding out your SO has a money problem that they hid from you.
1: They hid something from you.
2: It is something that could gravely negatively effect you and your children (if you have them).
When one party stops making the other a priority.
Lack of mutual interests. If there’s nothing you both enjoy doing outside of the relationship it becomes monotonous to just be together doing nothing.
Bad choice in partner. The new relationship energy might carry you for a few years, house and kids even, but then things settle down and then go to shit and you realise you weren’t with the right person all along and that there were signs right from the beginning but you didn’t want to notice them. Seen it often.