If you’re deep in the throes of dating, then you know that it can be rough out there. Even if you do feel like you make a connection with someone, there a totally plausible chance that they’ll bail on your second date and never speak to you again. (Sorry, but it’s true! The world is full of assh*les!) Sure, you might meet someone great — but that certainly doesn’t mean that you won’t have to trudge through some extremely awkward chitchat first.
If you’re exhausted by the dating scene, then these tweets are definitely for you — and everyone you know, TBH.
Okay I have a confession to make- I once held my own Bachelorette contest where I matched with a bunch of guys on tinder, went on dates with them and slowly eliminated the ones I didn’t like. It was the most dramatic season yet and no one got the final rose
— E$ (@erinlyman36) June 25, 2018
If she’s making eye contact while slowly putting her hair in a ponytail you’re either going to die or get a blow job.
— Tater ???????? (@TrueTorontoGirl) June 22, 2018
so no one told you life was gonna be this way pic.twitter.com/V6FnrtENtE
— nurse ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) June 25, 2018
FRIEND: Just don’t be awkward on the first date.
ME: Awkward? I’m never awkward.
[on the date]
ME: Will you walk me to the bathroom?
— Consider John Frazzled (@FrazzleMyGimp) June 26, 2018
if you’re on a date and really not feeling it, say “poultry bosom” when ordering the chicken breast and the other person will just leave
— The Hype (@TheHyyyype) July 9, 2018
girlfriend: don’t tell my dad we have sex, he freaks out that i’ll get pregnant
her dad: hey bud you coming inside?
me: [clearly panicking] what no, i would never
— cory (@_coryrichardson) July 17, 2018
[lying in bed after sex]
Sorry for all the screaming, I’m afraid of the dark
— Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42) September 2, 2017
[on a romantic dinner date]
girlfriend: *takes some of my fries*
me: *quietly puts engagement ring back into my pocket*
— yabkat (@ohen39) December 1, 2017
Oh. My. God. pic.twitter.com/lM5Wffh12p
— Brian Doyle (@WritePlay) June 25, 2018
[into walkie talkie during sex] I’m getting ready to penetrate, over
Her: um, this isn’t working for me
You gotta push the button, over
— Piece (@Piecezilla) December 30, 2015