Pregnancy is an incredible time in a woman’s life where a human child develops from a weird, dolphin-looking bean into a screaming person that bursts forth from the hoo-hah, wailing in rage and vengeance. It’s nine months of binge-eating the first food that pops into your head while sobbing uncontrollably because you just saw an old dog walking next to his owner with no leash and oh my God, he’s so loyal and sweet. If you’ve ever gestated a person before, these tweets are for you.
1.
Don't ask a pregnant lady "do you know the sex?" obviously she knows about sex she's pregnant you stupid idiot
— Dan Duvall (@lazerdoov) March 5, 2015
2.
Why the plus or minus on the pregnancy test, ept? How about a simple yes or no and we'll decide if that's positive or negative.
— I Kent even (@kentgrossarth) February 17, 2013
3.
Hey guys. Stop touching your wife's pregnant belly in pictures. We get it, you came in her.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) October 27, 2014
4.
4-yr-old saw picture of me pregnant.
I explain that she was inside me. She thought for a bit then said:
"I never want to do that again."— Zoe vs. the Universe (@zoevsuniverse) July 21, 2014
5.
This pregnancy has taught me: one jar of pickles is not enough. #pregnancyproblems @chrissyteigen pic.twitter.com/vb49odyIZO
— Rebecca K. (@Rebeksy) October 18, 2015
6.
Nobody on this train is decent enough to give up their seat for a pregnant woman & now I gotta stand here w/my sweater balled up in my coat.
— Caissie St.Onge (@Caissie) December 16, 2013
7.
Post that you're pregnant on facebook: 88 likes and 31 comments.
Tweet that you're pregnant on twitter: 2 stars and 491 unfollows
— Raspberry Jam (@Jenny4ashley) September 7, 2013
8.
My Obgyn suggested I cut carbs to maintain a healthier pregnancy weight.
Frankly, I'd rather cut the Obgyn.— full metal mommy (@FullMetalMommy) June 9, 2014
9.
5-year-old: What happens if the baby pees?
Pregnant wife: She won't. She waits till she's born
5: Right. Just like no one pees in the pool
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 11, 2015
10.
Pregnancy test commercials would be a lot more relatable if the women in them cursed and cried.
— αlly (@ToonieLane) August 15, 2013