Guy Documents His First Week of Work at Target – Apparently There Are Some Weird AF People in This World

Day Six:

  • -I witnessed the man who talked to me about stealing following suspicious individuals through the store. He was like a private eye shark on a mission. The determination and simultaneous stealth and intimidation he possessed solidified him as my hero.
  • -The computer made me card a man for buying Elmer’s glue. I questioned the computer. It gave no answers.
  • -A soccer mom walked up to me, frappuccino in hand. She bought a large box of condoms, asked to have them outside of a bag, and then ran out of the store with them.
  • -My stash of stickers has been restocked. I can once again please the masses.
  • -My manager brought me a concoction he made behind the Starbucks counter. He told me it was meant to taste like a red Starburst. It tasted nothing like a red Starburst. It tasted exactly like a pink Starburst.
  • -He also made me a Cookie Monster frap. It was a liquid oreo. If anyone has contacts at Food Network, please reach out to him for a show.
  • -A mother purchased her four year old daughter a Minnie Mouse stuffed animal. She asked the daughter if she wanted to hold it. The child whispered, “No. She is evil.” What does she know that I do not.
  • -Another old man purchased twelve boxes of Mello Yello and eight boxes of Sprite. He saved almost as much as he spent. The old man bulk soda purchasing trend continues. I look forward to participating one in my later years.
  • -Three team leaders tried to get a refrigerator through a door in a small hallway. The refrigerator was both taller and wider than the door. It took them 45 minutes, but once they succeeded, I was filled with pride.

Day Seven:

  • -The Cat Lady returned. She purchased eight cans of cat food and a bag of chips. I asked how she was doing. She replied, “I don’t know, I just got here, this is all I want.” She appeared as confused as I was.
  • -A small child was with his mother. From the moment they entered the store to the moment they left, he was shouting, “MOMMY THAT’S OKAY. MOMMY THAT’S OKAY. MOMMY THAT’S OKAY.” His words echoed around the store for the entirety of their visit. His message remains unclear.
  • -A woman asked for a refund on a pair of sneakers for her infant. Mother returned, baby shoes, never worn.
  • -An old man was dressed in a hat that read “SANTA CLAUS” with a Santa Claus shirt. I want to know his motives. It is only September 2, but I appreciate his enthusiasm.
  • -Cat Lady came back. She purchased another case of cat food at the register next to mine. She then loudly announced that she wanted Chinese food. I am beginning to understand her.
  • -I spent my break on the phone outside of the store. While on the phone, I was looking at my iPod. While on the phone looking at my iPod, a Best Buy employee walked by, and serenaded me with a song about me. The only lyric I heard was “I got two phones because I got two hands.” I appreciate his art.
  • -A second grader sat in the back of his mothers cart. As they approached my lane, I heard him shout “Stupid snacks! I don’t want snacks! I want to go home! Snacks are stupid!” I haven’t disagreed with a person so thoroughly since I last heard Trump speak.
  • -His mother pushed the cart behind her in the hopes of hiding her embarrassment. I asked her how she was doing. She said “Good”. Her son yelled “No good”. I asked if she found everything alright. She said “Yes”. Her son yelled “No we did not”. I appreciate his honesty, but after his opinion on snacks, I decided to pay him no heed.

Sounds like a great time…remind me not to apply to Target next time I get fired.

h/t didyouknowfacts